Jealousy in Relationships Can Be Unhealthy

At the root of jealousy is insecurity, low self-worth, lack of trust, and fear of abandonment. The irony is that because this is where you energy stems, you actually attract what you do not want. Jealousy can erode a relationship. Trust is a very important element to a successful and healthy relationship. Often when someone is jealous, they have either cheated themselves thus projecting the behavior onto their partners or have been hurt themselves by men and women in their life.

It is not healthy for you or your relationship to hold onto jealous thoughts and suspicions.

In my first marriage, I was very jealous. Looking back I can that it caused so much of the stress in our marriage. I did not trust my husband and was sure that he as going to hurt me.

In our dating life, he had cheated on me. We broke up, and eventually got back together. To be frank it was not a match made in heaven and yet for our personal reasons we chose to get married.

To this day I am grateful for the 3 amazing children that we created and for the many lessons as a result of our marriage and divorce. I married him, yet carried with me mistrust. I was unhappy with the way he treated me and very jealous of his friendships with women. It was sore that I allowed festering into a deep wound. This energy was all around us and part of our life. It contributed to how we treated each other. In the end, he did have an affair.

We separated, got back together for the sake of our children and all the right reasons. I knew for me that I could not live with the jealousy and the mistrust - I knew in my heart that I could not be married to a man that I did not trust. I had watched others for years and saw what a life with jealousy and mistrust could do and did not want to subject my children to that. I did not have the tools that I do today then to heal the hurt or our relationship.

Still, jealousy did not go away. We carry us wherever we go, and so in my next relationship, guess what, that emotion reared its ugly head once again. It was worst this time; of course I had more experience and energy fueling it. Fortunately, I realized how destructive and unhealthy my jealousy was - for my relationship, my children, and me. I made a decision to love and to trust. It began slowly. I told myself, that if my new partner was going to cheat, my worrying about was not going to stop him. However, I would feel better without all that worry. If he cheated, I'd deal with it, yet in the meantime I would focus on the joy and love in my life and appreciate our life. This also helped me to not feel jealous when he spoke to other women, yes I am admitting it WAS that bad. Of course at that time, (so many years ago) I did not understand the law of attraction. So by letting go of my worry and mistrust, and putting my attention on our life together, my jealousy evaporated, our relationship improved, and I enjoyed more of our experiences. There were other lessons to be learned and issues, yet that's for another day.

You can choose to trust. Make the decision to believe that you deserve to be loved and respected and start by loving and respecting yourself and others. The more you choose to trust and be present in your life, you will experience relationships differently, and the easier it will become to trust instinctively.

Take steps to heal the hurts you've experienced that may have contributed to your acts of jealousy. Although, from that day I have chosen to trust, the emotion of jealousy still showed up. I was aware and conscious of its existence. I would validate that yes, I am feeling it, then speak to myself about why I did not want to feel this way, and then talk myself into calm and acceptance. Many years later, I learned how to actually release the emotional and energetic toxins that were buried in my cellular memory, going to the source of the feelings that contributed to the emotion of jealousy, using EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. So now, I rarely have to face the ugly green monster and when if it does occasionally show up, I just clear away the source.

Give yourself a gift - let the jealousy go. If you are in a relationship where you feel there is just cause for your lack of trust, then ask yourself:

• Am I contributing to this in some way?
• How can I shift within so that I am not experiencing jealousy?
• What steps can I take to heal from my past so that I am not bringing or keeping the issues in this relationship?
• Talk to your partner honestly and openly about your feelings and the steps you are taking to correct this, ask for their help.

Wishing you a day and a life of joy, love and healthy connections!

This article was written by Cheri Valentine. To get more great advice from Diva Toolbox Media Diva Cheri Valentine, visit her website at: http://cherivalentine.com/

How To Get Him To Forget His Ex

Is your man still attached to his ex or are you simply insecure about her? Does it make you feel unhappy or fearful of losing him whenever you think about his ex? Is there anything that you can do to get him to forget his ex?

i. Do not bad mouth her! Yes it is tempting to talk ill of her but this just makes him defensive of her while showing him how insecure you are about her. When you talk ill of her then you question your man's ability to choose since he chose her and loved her... once upon a time. To get him to forget his ex then you must leave her in the past!

ii. Do not encourage him to bad mouth her. In order to get him to forget his ex then discourage negative talk about her from him. You don't want to keep her alive in the relationship by keeping conversation about her going. If he is still angry with her then he is not over her and you need to tread carefully so that you don't fire his feelings for her even more. If he rants and raves about her then he is not ready to be in a relationship with you unless you want to play second fiddle to his ex... until he gets her out of his system OR goes back to her.

iii. Do not get into altercations with her. Be gracious to her when you run into her or ignore her if you don't know her well but avoid angry exchanges with her at all costs. If she is of the angry and bitter variety than avoid her if you can. Fighting her will not make him forget her as it will simply bring her back into his mind and into your relationship. To get him to forget about his ex you must treat her like she is not a sore spot in your life.

iv. Don't keep asking him to compare which one of you is better at doing different things. Sometimes you just want to know that you were better than her in some things and you may fish for compliments in comparison to her. The familiar... don't I look better than your ex or don't I cook better than that ex of yours? Avoid such comparisons... he is with you now so don't keep bring her back into the relationship.

v. Don't keep comparing yourself to her. Privately and in your quiet moments avoid comparing yourself with her. She will have some qualities that you admire and wish you had but don't sabotage your happiness by constantly thinking about how great she looks or does some things. If you compare yourself with her than you will feel insecure and unhappy with whom you are and you will bring that unhappiness to your relationship with him... and his mind may wander back to the happier ex.

To get him to forget his ex you must keep her out of your relationship by the things you say and do.

This article is brought to you by MATCHMAKING.

Relationship Advice - Dating Someone Your Parents Really Do Not Like!

Sooner or later it is going to happen: you are going to find someone you want to be with and when your parents meet this person, they instantly "hate" them. What do you do then? Do you break it off or continue the relationship? Actually, it depends.

You first need to ask yourself why your parents really do not like your love interest:

• is this person bad for you?
• does this person have a checkered past?
• is this person too old?
• or is this person too young?
• is this person from a different race, religion or other important criteria?

Parents don't dislike someone unless they feel they have a good reason. It might not seem legitimate to you, but it will to them.

If the person is bad for you, ask them why they think they are a bad influence. Give them a chance to voice their concerns. They are just looking to protect you like you would protect your own child. See what their concern is all about and decide if it is justified. Above all, be open-minded.

Next, admit why you are dating this person. Do you actually see a future with this person? Or are you dating them just to drive your parents crazy? If you know your parents will hate them and you decide to follow through anyway, of course you know what will happen. Dating someone to spite your parents also isn't fair to the person you are dating. They should be with you because you want them to be there, not because you are using them.

Your best defense is to sit your parents down and explain why you want to date this person. Be open and be honest. And above all, don't ever try to hide the relationship. If you do, this is all the more reason for your parents not to approve. In their eyes, if it were an ideal situation, you wouldn't have to hide it, right?

Sometimes parents do not approve because they just don't know the whole story, or they have their facts wrong. Sometimes, it is just a case of trying to be protective. You see it as being over-protective: they see it as caring. This is why you have to talk. Sometimes it is just a matter of clearing up a few facts that are not accurate.

If they are still insistent you don't date, then maybe they should spend more time around the person. Ask them if they are open to it. Sometimes the only way to win them over is to let them see your love interest with their own eyes.

Relationship Advice - Is She the Right One For You?

Few people really like the dating scene and would much rather fast-forward to finding the ideal person for them and settling down. But how do you know when that is? How do you know if the woman you are with is actually "the one"? There are a few ways to tell... if you know what to look for.

First, you have to take a good long look and see why you want to be with her. Is it because she is fun to be around and you miss her when she isn't with you? Or is it because you don't want to be alone, and right now she is the best option you have? This is where you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Women like to know they are appreciated for what they bring to the relationship: they don't want to be a temporary fix to your loneliness

Second: is she fine the way she is or are there major issues that drive you crazy ("major" being the operative word). Everyone has little annoyances their partner would like to do without but which they tolerate because they really like the person. But maybe there are a few really "bad" habits you simply can't overlook and, each time you see them or are made aware of them, maybe they are so annoying to you they take something away from the relationship.

You can expect a person to change only so much and then it becomes an issue of two people who just do not fit together.

Third: is she more than a partner? Is she your best friend? Can you open up to her like no one else? Do you treasure the time you spend together and it is never enough? And would you be afraid to only be with her for the rest of your life?

Fourth: has your relationship always come easy or have you had to struggle just to try to make it work? Have there been significantly more good times than bad ones? The right relationship will come naturally. It doesn't require an over-abundance of work just to try to tolerate one another.

If she is the right one for you, then you won't have to talk yourself into it. The feeling this is right will well up from within your very being. You will have the sensation the "right thing" to do is to be with this girl. If you have to talk yourself into it or if you even hesitate when you ask yourself, then you need to step back and re-evaluate the situation.

Dating Tips for Men - Don't Bother Trying to Eliminate Rejection When You Can Minimize It

It's pretty common for guys to want to know if there is anything that they can do so that they can eliminate rejection from women. While it is easy to understand why you may want to do that, because rejection isn't the best feeling in the world, the fact is - you can't. The only way to eliminate it 100 percent is to just stop trying and I don't think that you want to do that. You may not get rejected any more, but you also won't get accepted, either. A much better and realistic approach is to learn to minimize it.

How do you do that?

1) Stop approaching women who are obviously not interested in you.

You can try to make a certain woman like you all that you want to, and it probably still won't happen is she is giving you signs that she is just not into you at all. A lot of men will get caught up in the "challenge" of trying to make a certain woman who doesn't want anything to do with them in that way like them, but you know what? All that does is set you up for rejection from her at some point in time. Instead, stop approaching women who are too cold and start approaching those that are already a little bit "warmed" up.

2) Become better at making conversation with women.

It's so much easier to get a woman to go out on a date with you AFTER you have already won her over with a little bit of clever conversation. She is already warmed up by that point, so it's not much of a stretch to ask her out on a date. I can't believe how many guys will make a couple of minutes worth of bad conversation and then ask a woman out and then wonder why they didn't get a Yes. You have to win her over a little bit with your conversation first and THEN ask for the date.

3) You need to know how to read a woman so that you know when the time is right to ask her out.

This is another GOOD way to reduce the risk of rejection. When you can totally read a woman's body language and other mannerisms to know if she likes you or not, then you will know the PERFECT time to ask her out. When you can do this, the odds that you get a Yes from her will jump through the roof.

Why Do People Delete Their Online Dating Profiles?

Online dating sites such as OkCupid can be a great place to meet someone new, but sometimes things happen that cause people to delete their profiles. Whether it was simply too much perceived creepiness or a general lack of responses, it can be frustrating to log in with the intention of contacting a specific member, only to find out that they are no longer there.

The Top Ten Reasons to Delete a Dating Profile

1.) The main reason people delete their dating profile is because they have met someone. A lot of these people actually just hide their profiles, though, in case they end up needing them again.

2.) Some people cite receiving messages from too many people that they think of as weirdos as a reason for deleting their profile.

3.) On the flip side of number two, some people will delete their profile because they are not getting responses from anyone, regardless of if they are weird or not.

4.) A bad dating experience with another site member will send some people searching for the delete profile option.

5.) If the cost of a dating site outweighs the benefits that a member is receiving, then they are likely to delete their profile. Free sites like OkCupid are a good choice for those who have left other sites due to cost concerns.

6.) Searching a dating site on a regular basis without finding a good match can be discouraging, and this will cause people to delete their profiles.

7.) Some users will delete their profile after dipping their toe into the dating pool and deciding that they are not ready to jump in.

8.) If a user is reluctant to post photographs, then they will usually end up deleting their profile.

9.) Self doubt, thinking you are no good for anyone

10.) Removing your dating profile off online searches

How to Delete Your OkCupid Profile

If you have decided that it is time to delete your OkCupid profile, then you will be able to do so by following just a few simple steps. Begin by logging in, and then hover over the arrow next to your icon in the upper right hand corner. Select settings, and then scroll down to the "need a break?" section in the lower right hand corner. Click on the button that says "delete account" and fill in the required information on the page that pops up. Once you are all set, simply click the "delete my account" button. This will immediately and permanently delete your OkCupid profile.

Vin Dicarlo Pandora's Box

Do you need help getting dates? Are you having trouble with your relationships? Tired of being rejected by good looking girls and only settling for the average looking ones? Well, we have all been there. Lucky for you, there are some great tips and tricks that you can use so that you can get more dates and girls will seriously become attracted to you. It doesn't matter how you look like or how much money or materialistic things you possess. All you need is some of these skills and you'll get dozens of dates in no time. A program called Vin Dicarlo Pandora's Box will help you utilize the knowledge of the female mind to make girls attracted to you. You'll become a "women-expert" in no time.

One thing that Pandora's Box teaches you to get lots of girls is you need confidence. Not a lot of girls are going to go for the shy and calm guy at a party or a bar. They won't even go for a shy and calm guy at a library. So, one thing that you must develop is the confidence to go up to a girl and break the ice. Once you do this and once you get a conversation started, everything else will follow. But the first step is that you must have total confidence. You need confidence in your speaking, confidence in your body language, and confidence in your eyes. If a girl see's that you may not seem too confident, she'll probably back off. This is a very important technique that is taught in Vin Dicarlo Pandora's Box.

Another important thing that is taught in Pandora's Box, is you need to know what type of girl she is. In the program, there are 8 different categories. You need to know this, because not all girls are the same. Just like not all people are the same and just like not all people like the same things and want the same things, girls are no different either. If you know what category the girl is, it will be a lot easier to attract the girl. One way to find out the type of the girl is to ask her the "3 secret questions." Once you know the answers and once you identify her personality type, you will then need to implement one of the strategies in the Vin Dicarlo Pandora's Box guide.

There are dozens of other techniques and tricks that you can use to attract basically any girl you want. The Vin Dicarlo Pandora's Box system really is an ultimate guide to attracting girls and probably the only one you ever need. You do need to practice and implement some of the techniques so that you get a feel for it, but other than that, it is quite simple and easy to use. You'll soon be able to date any women you choose and girls will soon become crazy for you. You grow a big respect for women and you will also know a lot more about psychology and attraction if you follow the Pandora's Box guide.