Why Is It That Hard To Let Go After A Breakup?

No matter, how many times you and your man fight, when the time comes for you to end the relationship, you feel as though you have lost a part of you. It is difficult to cope with this situation, and the painful inner conflict that your heart is going through makes it even worse. Your brain tries in vain to convince your heart that there was a good reason for the breakup, and it is time to look ahead and forget the past. But, your heart turns a blind eye to all the good reasons, and only cries for a reunion with your other half.

At this stage, the burning question "is it worth trying to get my ex-boyfriend back?" Never leaves you in peace. However, to make your task easy answering that question, you need to look at some key points. The moment you become able to evaluate the relationship, and see clearly what you want for your future, it will be easy for you to make the right decision whether getting your ex back is the best step to perform.

In your attempt, to make a clear choice without an ounce of regret of whether or not to get your ex back, you should honestly point out what caused the relationship to derail in the first place. When we look at things long enough we can see things that escaped us at first glance; along the same vein when you look at your relationship after the breakup you are bound to identify, without any difficulty, what led you and your ex to end up apart from each other.

Do you and your ex fight consistently? If that's the case, then consider another way to handle the problems in the relationship without resorting to fight. Communication in this case is the best choice to adapt. Communication not only solves the problems within the relationship, but also it nurtures a deep feeling of intimacy within the couple.

If the reason behind the breakup was that your boyfriend cheated on you, then you need to be wary of giving him another chance to hurt you again. He did it once and he can do it again. Even though he may be showing his regret and offering his fidelity all over again, don't jump too quickly into the conclusion of reuniting with him again. Let the time show you how far he is honest about his claims because actions speak louder than words.

The Risks of Casual Sex Relationships for Women

Casual relationships can seem like a great idea at first. All of the fun with none of the messy romantic side! You may be considering this arrangement with a friend or companion, but there are some things you should know before you get involved. Men and women respond to sex very differently. Of course, we all know that sex is a very enjoyable experience. No one can deny that! But there are some elements to it that affect women more than they do men, and that is where the risk comes in.

Men are very carnal creatures, and can have sex with virtually anything without getting attached. They are not as emotional as women and are not built to be so. For some reason, guys are able to completely separate sex from their emotions, so they have less to worry about in casual relationships. It's arguable that the "friends with benefits" scenario is the ideal relationship for a lot of guys.

Women are different, though. While you may believe that you are emotionally strong enough and want this arrangement badly enough that you can handle the situation, your hormones don't agree. The female body produces oxytocin during sexual relations, a chemical that will make you feel attached and affectionate towards whoever you are sharing the experience with. No amount of pre-arranged "no strings attached" discussions can stop oxytocin from being released during sex. It can be close to impossible for a woman to avoid having feelings for the man she is sleeping with, especially if it is on a regular basis.

This is not to say that having a casual sex relationship with someone is a terrible choice, only that it can be risky for a woman. Knowing that you are entering into an agreement with someone who has no romantic feelings for you is fine, but you must also acknowledge the possibility that you may develop feelings for this man and he is very, very unlikely to reciprocate those feelings.

If you are still determined to have a friend with benefits, use caution. If you feel yourself getting attached, pull away from the situation. This can be especially tricky if the person you are having casual sex with is an actual platonic friend that you care about. You have to recognize that you might be doing damage to the friendship as well as risking heartbreak on your end. Think it through before agreeing to the casual relationship, and if you have any doubts, stay away!

My Girlfriend Is Boring - 3 Things That This Might Suggest

Have you ever gotten to that point in a relationship where you started to feel like the woman you were dating was, well, boring? When you start to feel that way, it might make you begin to ponder the idea that she might not be right for you. Or, it might make you wonder about whether or not there is anything that you can do to get her to liven up a bit. Whatever it makes you feel, when you start to think that your girlfriend is kind of boring, you may want to start evaluating the relationship.

Here are 3 things that coming to the realization that your girlfriend is boring might suggest:

1. You may be spending too much time with her.

One of the ways in which the excitement of being with someone can quickly fade is when you end up spending too much time with that person. When you first start dating a woman, everything about her is brand new to you and so, each moment that you are with her, you are seeing a new side of her, etc. However, when you've been around her for a bit, there isn't so much that is brand new. If you end up spending too much time with her and there isn't much excitement, that can make you feel like she is really boring. Spending a little less time with your girlfriend might actually be a good idea in this case.

2. You and your girlfriend don't have much in common.

I remember this one woman that I dated a few years back. She was nice, she was really pretty, and we had absolutely NOTHING in common. So, yeah, after a little while - I was bored when I was around her. Because we didn't have the same interests in common, anything that she wanted to do was boring to me. And the reverse of that was true as well, anything that I wanted to do was boring to her. The reality was that we just were not meant to be with one another because we just didn't have much in common.

3. You need to start doing things that are exciting with one another.

Think about what you do when you spend time with your girlfriend. If it consists mostly of watching television together or sitting on the couch while you are both on separate laptops, then the solution may be that the two of you just need to start doing things that are exciting. Boring can easily end up eating away at a good relationship, and if you don't want that to happen, you might want to find something that you and her can do as a couple that will take away that boring feeling.

Respecting the Privilege of Trust

"Trust is not a human emotion but a feeling of sustained confidence in a person, place, or thing."
~Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo

When it comes to families, notwithstanding workplaces, church fellowships and the like, there is nothing more important to relationships than trust. Trust is the maker or breaker of the human continuity within the arrangements for love. Where love persists, as found augmented by trust, just like where there is trust, there is love.

Where trust is betrayed - upon neglect or abuse - love evaporates as if it never existed in the first place.

Families survive and thrive upon trust, but they are destroyed without it. And where there is no trust there is no respect. Where trust flourishes there we find respect, also.
If we are to work on anything when it comes to families it ought to be trust; the beginning, middle and end of the fabric of safety woven in love.

WE, THE TRUSTED

What an enormous privilege it is, especially as parents, grandparents, bosses, and anyone with influence socially, to create and augment the culture of trust; where trust would flourish and respect flow down like a teeming river of justice as a direct result.

How do we achieve such outcomes?

Building confident relationships has to be about connectedness. There has to be the motivation deep within to connect to the person who relies upon us for safety. It is no good at all if, as a parent, we cannot vouchsafe the child's security by the extension of our sacrifice to nurture such confidence.

We must provide space for trust. Simply, we must have confidence in others.

We must be prepared to have our trust betrayed, and to be big enough not to behave hurt. Our love needs to be big enough to contain the situations that God has blessed us with. We are caretakers of God's love within the relationships we've been placed in. We cannot abuse or neglect such a role if trust is important to us.

As God is graceful, we, also, are to be graceful. When people feel safe in our company - especially children, who must depend - trust is possible. But if people don't feel safe, for any reason, achieving their confidence is near-on impossible. It's easier not to trust.

Trust and safety are aligned. Where safety, the duty to care, is important enough that we provide it, trust is inevitable.

We, the trusted, must be trustworthy. We have been given such a role and it is incumbent on us to deliver good on that bond. And we can. There is possibly nothing more alluring to a human being to either be trusted or to be privileged to trust. When we have the privilege to trust other people, and we discharge that trust, our credibility soars, because people feel secure in our presence.

We are blessed for having trusted.

***

Families survive and thrive on trust, but they are destroyed without it. And where there is no trust there is no respect. Where trust flourishes there we find respect, also. There, also, we find love.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

How To Date An Asian Lesbian

I believe all lesbians, being that we're all women, want and need the same thing. Lesbians all over the world experience the same prejudice, oppression and discrimination. We all go through the same phase of self-discovery, acceptance and challenges as we present ourselves in the society. It is never easy for any gay individual to live the lifestyle because there will always be someone opposing to it. Fortunately in the west, they have stronger laws that protect homosexuals from harassment and discrimination. Where as in Asia, well... let's just say we are not as fortunate as our sisters and brothers from the west. Aside from our culture and tradition that favors men; we are also governed by religion.

The lesbian scene in Asia is pretty stereotyped. Most Asian lesbians practice the butch and femme labeling but then again, there are some who don't. So before making your move on Lesley, make sure if she's into the traditional role playing and if so, which one is she playing. As a precaution, please know that butch-to-butch relationships in Asia are pretty rare - if not taboo. Once your lesbian categories are settled, you may now make a move.

Talk to her. This is also a good opportunity to find out if she's out of the closet. Most Asian families are still in the dark when it comes to homosexuality and will still try to control their precious daughter even if she's already 25 years old. In Asia, it doesn't matter how old you are. Parents will still try to control you to prevent you from bringing shame into the family and try to lead you into the "normal" life. But then again, there are some Asian families who have embraced homosexuality as part of the norms and encourage their daughters to love freely.

So you're going on a date. What's your first step? Take a bath and make that body of yours squeaky clean. Hygiene is very important. Trim and shave that muffin because we'll never know where this date is going to lead you. We want you smelling nice and clean so spraying light scented cologne will be great. Wear neat clothes and brush your teeth.

Pick a place where you're both comfortable. If she's still in the closet, ask her where she prefers to stay. We don't want her mother making a scene so it's best that you stay somewhere safe.

The thing with us lesbians is we treat each other fairly well. But do not forget about chivalry especially if you're dating an Asian femme lesbian. Hold the door open for her; carry her purse etc. - the whole "gentleman" practice. It would be nice to bring her flowers on your first date but if she's not out and still lives with her parents, that might not be a good idea - maybe something small but special that she can bring home and keep instead.

Women love to talk so I'm pretty sure we won't be having any problems in the conversation area. Topics will be the standard "getting to know you". This is a good opportunity to drop some compliments since we tend to be insecure about our race around foreigners. But don't over do it because we might think you're just experimenting with us.

Most out of the closet Asian lesbians are a bit loose in terms of conservativeness. We wouldn't mind a bit of public display of affection (PDA). We'd hold hands and kiss you in public but don't expect a hot torrid kiss - a short and sweet French kiss is probably as far as you're going to get UNLESS we're in a lesbian crowd (i.e. exclusive lesbian parties). So if you score at the end of the date, congratulations! You've snagged yourself a Mulan girlfriend.

In a country where women are supposed to be a virgin till her honeymoon, sex is a big deal for us. Not a lot of Asian lesbians would have meaningless sex. Dildos and vibrators are a bit costly in Asia and due to our conservative culture; there is not a lot of places that sells them so do not be surprised if the idea of sex toys are a bit of a taboo to us Asian lesbians. We do everything the good old classic way so wash up before anything else.

Asians have close family ties so if your Asian girlfriend is out or would brave her family (and relatives) and introduce you to them, just relax. Behave your best and be polite to her family - even if they aren't at their best. Don't give them reasons to dislike you. Bring something for the family when you come over preferably something edible like a good cake or pastries that you can all share while they get to know you.

Asian women, regardless of their sexual orientation are faithful, caring and very loving. When you win an Asian woman's heart, you also gain a lifetime partner. She will take care of you and love you through thick and thin. You will always be her priority and will consider your betterment before anything else. So if you end up with an Asian woman for a life partner, take care of her and make her happy. She's worth every effort and emotional investment.

Dating With My Guest Aurora Morealist

If you could build your ideal man, top to bottom, describe him...

Genuine.Safe. Kind.Loving. Loyal. Non-smoker of anything at all. Non-drinker.

Great hygiene, nothing smells better than clean. Okay maybe evergreens

Kissable lips and teeth. Warm, tender hands. Values love, friends, family and simple pleasures in life. Knows the difference between monogamy and mahogany

Stable and trustworthy, of solid character. Wouldn't hurt if he is good looking but looks aren't everything to me. Common sense, respect and intelligence are more important.

What do you find the most attractive part of man's body?

Eyes - In my observation, the way a man looks at or does not look at you usually tells you all you need to know about how he feels about you.

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Oh dear. I think I just listed those above in question 1. Let me just add that qualities are more important than appearance. Appearance matters, yes, but for me it is more about basic common sense than particular traits (ie tall, dark and handsome). Short, sweet and winsome is fine if he is engaged in being genuinely whoever he is so that I can genuinely decide if I want his presence in my reality.

What do you want in a relationship?

Companionship. Connection. Life partner. Purity of intent on both sides. Bonding. Respect, honor and healthy communication. Someone to cuddle with and share the quiet times as well as socializing, family, etc Someone who accepts me just as I am, appreciates me without trying to change me. A man unafraid to speak to injustice who walks tall in life, integrity his way of being no matter what we do.

What do you consider a romantic evening?

Walking and talking is always an easy pleasure. From there holding hands and walking and talking, lol... or dinner or coffee together in a quiet corner where we can continue to enjoy and focus on one another. Or a night of dancing, love dancing... can dance for hours... Or a winter picnic with a thermos of mocha under the moon works, too

Do you like to be fed by your date?

It's awkward feeling to me, actually kind of annoying in public. The fork was so loaded some food landed on my dress but I politely complied where I should have politely declined instead of letting him fork it over in his "showy" way (yes, he is not "him" lol)

How many dates should a couple go on before they have sex?

That should be decided by the couple. There is no rule and no one should listen to anyone else because everyone has different thoughts, ideas and values on this very personal matter. For me, I cannot just hook-up and have sex. It is not and never will be who I am. Some have no problem with it and I can't judge them just because it doesn't work for me. We are all different and even the word "relationship" describes something different for all of us.

What do you think is the biggest mistake women make when dating?

Many women seem to forget that reality matters and they must not ignore the problems/alarm bells early on in a relationship. For example, if he criticizes you or anything to do with you in any way or is still focused on his ex or you are arguing at all in the first two weeks, see it clearly and decide whether this is something you want more of... instead of forging right on past the red flags just because your ideals or longing/emotional needs press you onward when your intuitive self knows better. I know because I did this. Getting in touch with yourself, being very clear about what you want is vital. Many men do not enjoy my clarity - or so they say in cold messages to let me know my standards are too high but they are not for me anyway. Be patient. Recognize that nothing is perfect and never will be. We really don't need perfect, we just need perfect for us. Stay grounded in reality, keep it classy. A male friend in our age group (40's - 50's) said he became very depressed seeing boob shots from obviously 50 something or older partied out women dressing like Brittany Spears wannabes. That made me feel very sad and yet said so much to me about valuing my own standards. Of course intimacy in relationships matters very much to me. Yet, I personally do not want to project that I am only about that. If men don't "read" my profile accurately, again, they are not for me.

... the biggest mistake men make?

Assuming anything about women/a woman or talking about all the women who still want them. I have talked to more assuming men online than anywhere else in my life. Years ago in a PR course, I learned the word "assume" means ASS of U and ME. It really does. Telling me about all the women who want you only tells me that you are either arrogant or insecure and I'm not up for those types anyway. I don't want to be needed but I do want to be wanted. Telling those men about all the men who still want you doesn't level the playing field at all, I found, they can't even hear us anyway. I probably blocked close to 500 men in the past three years on various dating sites. I really can't remember. Only a handful were actually interesting to talk to - so far - and seemed as genuine as their profiles as they were to converse with. Almost ready to give it up after three years of being single and finding so many wishy-washy on-the-fence attitudes out there. It really doesn't matter how many questionnaires dating sites have to improve their matching. Anyone can be anything they want on line. Illusions and delusions are rampant online. The real world exposes the real you. Be prepared for constant rejection if you are operating in an online persona that proves false over the telephone or in person. Keep it real. My retired Irish pilot friend seldom ever cusses but she did once when sharing an old family phrase "there's an arse for every seat." Keeping it real - what you REALLY want, photos of what you REALLY look like NOW - ensures your chances of a matching seat instead of wasting time. This basic respect applies to both genders though, really, in my opinion. Usually by the third email - emails directly from the man himself, not a question back and forth dating site gimmick that wastes my time because cons can out-con any machine - I can see for myself if I want to move to telephone or halt things right there.

Do you think it's possible to have a monogamous long term relationship, as in till death do us part?

Yes. The commitment has to be from both sides. That's the only glitch these days. People are often too busy wondering what they've missed out on instead of appreciating what they've found is what I have discovered. More men I spoke with and/or met eyeball to eyeball came back to say things like "you were so real," "you were the best woman I met on here" or "I should never have let you go" etc but I am not priority number nine and will not settle for someone who can't see who I am in the first place. I know what I want in a man and I'll know when I find him, instead of doubts and questions in my mind arising, I will calmy, quietly know.The "online-drive-through-human-smorgasbord-mentality" seems to be highly addictive to many who cannot disengage from their gadgets and machines long enough to even forge a real world connection let alone build a meaningful relationship. Another guy friend tells me that women are just as slippery about any commitment in the real world ranging from reluctance to actually meet in the real world to thinking they will miss a better person if they leave the online world behind - as I have found many men to be. That said, I still believe if both parties are truly committed to one another, it can last forever. It takes work but loyally married for three decades I know what that work looks like - it's not as hard as we think if a couple is truly a team as anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows

How does a couple, who's been together a long time, keep the spark in their relationship?

In my opinion, both need to remember that nothing will ever be like it was. But bonding continues at deeper levels if both are willing to truly continue building and work together to overcome challenges. This is the foundation I have seen again and again in lasting relationships. We are all human and when we open our mouths, our brain rolls out like it or not. Our actions also prove whether or not we walk our talk. If we see something unpalatable or questionable in the opening act, so to speak, lol, we have every right to register our observations or question what we see in order to make healthy decisions for ourselves. Going blindly into a relationship based on whatever is going on inside our own heads is a portent for disaster - in any relationship - even friendship as I have painfully discovered. Know what you want going in because it is the bond you build that will get you through the relationship tests. Flames of love can always be rekindled or reach higher is my personal belief... if we don't snuff out the spark with our own fantasies and unrealistic expectations.

What do you consider a romantic song?

Bruno Mars - It Will Rain

Madonna - Crazy For You

Spandau Ballet - True

Who's your favorite celebrity crush?

Oh boy, this is difficult. I'm not much on the world of fame/celebrities so I am truly struggling. If I can think of someone, I'll get back to this question later.

What's a typical night with Aurora?

Boring, lol. Quite a home body at night, I usually do chores, fix some dinner (sometimes yogurt or cereal), write, read, perhaps watch a movie or catch up on the phone with friends. Not into texting or having gadgets wired to my butt - prefer quiet simplicity and living pretty but pretty simply. Social media maintenance is probably the most complex thing I do, try not to get stuck there because I start resenting time lost to "machines." Write anything from poetry and blog(s) to poetry on my blog. A walk if weather permits and in summer a park visit, a sea side stroll or just reading on the patio listening to breeze- inspired leaf song. Still, if the right company arrived, I might say "let's go say goodnight to the stars" at midnight

When you sleep, do you prefer jammies or in the buff?

Personally I prefer pj's - I think it's mother programming, "always make sure you have clean underwear in case you get in an accident" - as if we would care about that if we were in an accident, lol. I am situation dependent just as with my eclectic taste in music. If a partner appears I may wear a more feminine gown or robe or... who knows... everyone is different but a regular night will find me in regular pj's or a man's oversize cotton T summer nights

Dating is difficult at any age. We hope as we grow older and mature, it will be easier. We have all seen that with maturity comes baggage that taints our actions and decisions. Are you having success at dating? If you have a secret, I'd love for you to share!

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Before Valentines Day

So you actually want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back before Valentines Day? Then make sure that you read this article all the way to the end because I am about to share some practical strategies that you can use right now to get him singing to your tune once again.

First and foremost I would like to point out that from my experience counseling girls who want to get back together with their ex boyfriends, I have come to discover that in an attempt to try to reconnect to their partner, they tend to overdo it and in their over-zealousness end up scaring the men away or not giving them enough incentive to come back.

What Exactly am I talking about? You may ask.

Here is the deal; You are a girl who probably had this guy who is or was your first love. You had a fantastic passionate relationship together and just when you thought that this was meant to last forever, your dude breaks up with you without any warning.

You start wondering what could have gone wrong and ask yourself questions such as. What did I do to set him off? When you try to confront him with questions about why he left, he either finds a way to avoid the topic or tells you that it was not you, it was him and he just needed some time off. Some of you even get desperate because you loved the guy so much and start following him around to see who he hooks up with next so that you can try to find out what he wanted that you did not provide.

Sounds familiar?

This was what I meant in the paragraph above. This is what you need to stop doing if you have any hopes of getting him back before Valentines Day. There are quite a number of things to take into account when getting back together with an ex, namely the current state of both of your relationship status, the problems you faced when you were together, and your level of commitment to making the whole thing work out.

It is important to note that a decision to get back together is actually a decision by two people. When you decide to get back together with your ex, it also must be true that your ex wants to get back together with you. This should not be such a big problem though because most people who I have met who want their men back also get either texts or calls from those guys once in a while and these dudes mention that they miss them. Once you both have reached that mutual agreement, then you must take some time and talk about how it should happen.

If either of you are currently seeing someone else right now, then that should end right away. This should happen if both of you are positive that any changes to problems that rose in the past are being addressed and that you both are committed to a successful and loyal relationship. I know that it is hard to get a man to open up and talk about the problems you had when you were in a relationship, but there are ways and means that you can do this effectively (more about this later).

The first thing that you should do if you are really serious about getting him back and keeping him is stop communicating with him via texts and then wait for him to call you or call him when he texts and tell him that you would like to have a meeting with him in an open place like a Cafeteria.

Do not fall for his tricks when he invites you over to his place or asks if he can come to your place because that will just end up ruining the whole plan. You may think that you are strong and can resist his woes, but I can tell you from experience that men know how to play with a woman's heart in seclusion. Especially if that girl still has the hots for him. That is why I have suggested an open place where you will just talk and it will be easier to take control of the situation.

There are like 3 other things that you should do to make this effort a success but I do not want this article to be too long. Therefore I have put all the rest of the steps in a video that you can watch and learn.

I am not promising that everything will work out 100% as you planned, but one thing that I can promise you is that you will not be losing anything by visiting the link below and watching this video.
http://relationshipsadvice.cc/