"I was looking up at the stars and giving them each a reason why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars." Unknown
"If I could ask God one thing, it would be to stop the moon, stop the moon and make this night and your beauty last forever." A Knight's Tale
As girls, we tend to swoon over romantic words. We go all to pieces when we hear them spoken in movies and songs, and we dream of the day we will be the lucky recipient of a man's spoken adoration. And while this is all fine and dandy, we need to check our Bibles for the first time a woman is ever spoken to because there we will find a slight problem. I am, of course, referring to when the Serpent first spoke to Eve, and what we discover is that Eve was easily deceived by words. Therefore, as the ever so great granddaughters of Eve, we need to be aware that our love for words also makes us vulnerable, and because of this, we need to be sure of a man's motivations before we receive them into our hearts.
It might help if we place romantic words in one of three categories; words that say, "I notice you", "I need you", and "I know you". Flattery and compliments would fall under "I notice you". Flattery is defined as "excessive and insincere praise given to further one's own interests". A compliment, however, is defined as "a polite expression of praise or admiration". The most striking difference between the two is motivation, but since we can't see a person's motivation, another indicator might be intensity of words. For example, "You look nice", is polite, while, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" is more dramatic and could be a red flag for selfish motives. When I was looking up examples of complements for women for this article, I found there are actually online tutorials for men on how to appear sincere, be creative, and "win points" with their words. I even saw an ad picturing a naked man laying on top of a naked woman with the words beneath, "It all started with a text". So while it's nice to be noticed, we still need to exercise good judgement. It's also important to be aware that as women, we can be more vulnerable to flattery if our dads have not first assured us, in their own words, that we are beautiful.
Romantic words like "As long as we are together, I have everything I need", "You are my reason for living" or "I know we just met, but I can tell you are the woman for me" can sound wonderful, but they can also be a sign that a man is "needy". Add to these behaviors such as, calling too much, being premature with emotions and future plans, immaturity, always being available, overly emotional, poor listening skills, seeking constant reassurance, too generous with gifts, and lacking outside interests, ambition, and strong male friends, and you get someone who is emotionally impoverished. Sometimes called the "walking wounded", such a person first, and foremost, needs to experience the love of Jesus. And secondly, needs to be enjoying the friends and mentors God has for him, before he can enter into a healthy relationship with you.
And lastly, there are the romantic words that say, "I know you". These are the words that spring forth from a healthy heart that knows God as his rock, and you as his friend and helper. These are the words that declare the blessing you are to him. These are the words of praise that are satisfying and safe to take into your heart.
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." When Harry Met Sally
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