Using A Marriage Ultimatum When He Does Not Want To Get Engaged

It's a global phenomenon; literally the female curse. Just how hard must we push to bring out that dreamy love and dedication from our men? You know, that "Till Death Do Us Part"?

Take it from me that there is no deeper agony for a woman to have her husband betray her trust after all those years of sweet-nothings and romantic honeymoons. The forms are various- from infidelity to family violence, but the result is always an unjustified bitterness that life is unfair.

For those who already found your compatible partner, and want to get engaged, you may also have experienced a lesser form of the above; nevertheless still a brutal assault on the senses.

Your stress is a result of your fear and insecurity - that feeling of hopelessness and incomprehension.

You do not understand this abrupt switch; one moment you are his favourite, and the next you are tossed off like unwanted grocery returned at the cashier's. You might have already experienced this as a couple, or if you want to get engaged to this man, this nagging fear of losing him might be haunting your every waking minute.

I know because I too, have been through this desperado phase, eager for him to pop the question as soon as possible as my biological clock betrays me. You may become distressed and frightened that you will never find your Mr. Right while you're still young.

The bitter truth is that when you wanted so much to get engaged to this man, you may impulsively react to the above paranoia, and ironically push him even (further) away. It's a hard bullet to bite. Eventually you will reach to a point where you'd reflexively resort to using ultimatums that follow the distinct pattern of "if you don't... , I will... !

The only result is added coldness between the couple. It raises the stakes unnecessarily high, and many of us just do not know how to play our cards wisely enough. Many a times the relationship is sullied irreversibly.

This begs the obvious question: when is an ultimatum acceptable?

You should know of the story of the child who cried wolf. Setting ultimatums loosely is as foolish as this. Worse, every single one undermines the next, until finally your words, like in the story, hold absolutely no weight at all. In fact, they become as mundane and ordinary as your daily routine like brushing your teeth.

And when a crisis strikes - when you really need a way to shock him out of his indifference - you'll find that you have no more aces in the hole.

As such, use ultimatums only when you have prepared yourself for that all-or-nothing stake; when you've exhausted every other possibility. It has highest shock value this way and is effective as a final warning.

Should there be no improvement to the relationship, you can console yourself knowing that you've done your best. Yet, of course, if you still catch yourself dreaming that there is a microscopic possibility that things could return to the way they were, then know that you are not ready to let go.

Needless to say a relationship built on threats is also very superficial, unstable and painful one - for both parties.

So think twice before you decide to fire an ultimatum.

And have a Plan B, just in case.

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