dating these days becomes easier and easier. Or that's the way it looks. Yet, has it led you to develop a successful intimacy? Apparently not - since you still take part in the dating scene, and are reading this article.
At any rate, the easiness in which dating is accessible these days is striking: I've heard stories of people driving their car in a congested city, stopping at a red-light, stretching their head out of the window and asking the driver in the car next to them for his/her name. The driver in the other car already knows the purpose of such a request, but nonetheless shouts his/her name out-loud. It is then a matter of seconds to find out their profile on Facebook, ask for their friendship, and to roll it on from there. Similarly, you can just look up friends-of-friends on Facebook, look at their profile, find those who live in your vicinity (unless you like long-distance relationships which help you deal with your fear of commitment), and, once again, you roll on with whatever happens.
Also, when you get any kind of response on your inquiries on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or other similar social network sites, you can easily chat and sms with the other person, in order "to get to know him/her" before you meet face-to-face for the first time. Aren't these time-saving times? Hasn't technology become an integral part of dating?
And in addition to all these, there are one thousand and one dating sites which just wait for you to enroll with, promising that when you do you will be able to meet a large volume of singles "just like yourself", and there is no reason you won't find your "soul-mate" (or just a partner) among the many profiles.
In addition, you can also go on speed-dating, and just like with simultaneous chess-games, you can meet several potential others in one short evening!
So if it seems so easy to date these days, why hasn't it become easier to develop a satisfying relationship? If there are so many avenues to dating others, why isn't it easier for you to find a partner that suits you? And if you can go on as many dates as you wish, what makes it still difficult for you to develop a satisfying and successful intimacy?
It is neither the quantity that counts, nor the accessibility of dating
Quantity doesn't mean quality. Research done years ago in the field of child development has shown that it isn't the quantity of time a mother spends with her baby, but the quality. A mother who spends only a short amount of time with her baby, but when she does it is a quality time - talking with the baby, reading stories out-loud and explaining things - is preferred than a mother who is home all day long but doesn't spend time talking with the baby and explaining things (Similar research done today would have focused apparently on both parents).
Same issue of quantity versus quality holds true with dating: the quantity and easiness with which dating is accessible these days doesn't guarantee a quality of "meetings of the mind" between the two who meet and a greater chance of expanding a given date into a meaningful relationship.
Why?
Because quantity and easiness might blind you from the real issue at hand: as dating becomes an easier and easier "adventure", you might think that if a given date doesn't materialize, well, nothing happened: there are thousands others available out there, and you have at your disposal hundreds ways of reaching out to them.
The problem is that perceiving dating to be so easy and accessible might deter you from trying to understand what stands behind your unsuccessful attempts at developing a satisfying relationship. You become so accustomed to take a part in the dating scene, that you might convince yourself that it is only a matter of time until you'll find someone with whom to develop an intimacy. With so much availability out there, someone will eventually turn out to be the one for you, isn't it so?
But if you wish to not prolong this possibility too long, and if you wholeheartedly wish to develop a satisfying intimacy, what you might want to consider is "changing tactics": rather than keep trying to date endlessly with easy prey (and there are so many like these out there), take your time to determine what really is important for you in an intimate relationship; what kind of a person you really want to meet; and, most important of all, get in touch with what might have hindered your attempts at developing a successful relationship until now. There must be something in you that drives you to sabotage your attempts. Do you know what this "something" is? Can you stop letting it hurt you and harm your attempts?
The holidays might provide you with an opportunity of a quality time in which to think, reflect, and get in touch with whatever this "something" is that hindered your attempts until now. Taking advantage of the holidays in this respect may be a step well-considered.
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