Puppies need to be stimulated all the time. They like to play, to chase and be chased. They run and bark and chew things. They thrive on adrenaline. When you ignore them or when the fun stops they can become forlorn.
That got me to thinking about men who thrive on chaos. I've been with too many of those. I meet them and they are so relieved to have met me. "My ex was nuts," they say. "I had to take care of her X habit," or "All we did was fight and I hate fighting." "You are a breath of fresh air, so easy to get along with." A common thread is that they insist, "I hate drama!" I can't tell you how many dating site ads have "Please, no drama" in their profiles.
Yes after several months of easy breezy no fighting, no arguing, again and again these chaos-resistant men become edgy and depressed, anxious. They pick fights, sabotage the relationship or their jobs. Often they try to engage me, to fight. One man actually paced back and forth, his hands shaking. He wanted to have a yelling match with me but I refused, I instead sat calmly. He looked ready to implode and I was frightened so left. I've been puzzled by this repetitive behavior for years.
It wasn't until I got my puppy though that it hit me. I reviewed the successful relationships of people I know. There's a lot of drama and strife in those couplings. Some spouses cheat or drink or have troubled kids. Or they suddenly adopt children just when their lives calm down and their biological children have grown. Or they get unexpected live-in grandchildren. There are job losses or in-laws or foreclosures. And they plod along, close as ever riding out the rough times and savoring the few and far between peaceful moments.
I hear from men that living with their exes was intolerable, their lives were too chaotic, but me and my "no waves," approach is a situation they also can't handle. So where's the balance? Do I need to interject strife and drama into a human relationship to make it work? I think no, that with a healthier man, one who truly does not want drama, that he might like a little boredom, might like a life that, except for unavoidable life events, is pretty damn calm. I know I would welcome it. Just as there are some dogs who are content just to be around you, who play with their own toys or pet friends when you're at work but give you center billing at night, there are other breeds who will never be happy to sit still. Those dogs will become aggressive without enough exercise. They will pace back and forth, trying to engage you when you just want to relax and watch a movie.
In summary, for me, it's a matter of choosing the right human "breed," the kind with the correct temperament for my needs and my particular temperament. For example, Labs or Golden Retrievers are great for some people, but not me. And I've been with way too many men who exhibit Beagle traits: forever restless, jumping out of their skin, anxiety, possessiveness.
I love my puppy Lily, who I'm sure will mature into a quiet little calm thing. If not, I'm happy to toss a ball for her or play tug of war. But finding the right human is going to be a lengthy scientific process this next time. No more "look at that cute little face!" mentality or "let me rescue you from the shelter and give you a place to live."
Perhaps there is the right man out there for me, but right now I can't be bothered. It's PUPPYTIME!
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