Help Me With My Relationship

It's sad but true. Relationships have rough times and they can also come to an end. The real problem though, is how most relationships come to an end. The majority of the time, it's not a pretty ending, but it can be.

When a relationship isn't working out there are some simple questions that have to be asked. If they're answered honestly, the relationship could not only survive, but grow into something completely new and unexpected. Even if the relationship doesn't survive, the ending will be a lot better than the typical disaster most people are used to.

If you see that things aren't right, there is strain and tension between you, a lot of the joy is gone, you have to ask yourself one obvious question. "Do I want this relationship to survive?" The answer has to be 100% clear. If you hesitate on the answer and say something along the lines of "It has its good points and its bad points." Then you're simply avoiding the question. Do you want to stay with this person? Does this person want to stay with you? What's the clear, honest and immediate answer?

This question can be rephrased by asking, "What is the highest common aim in this relationship?" That question means, how high up the ladder of commitment can you both go and still agree? Do you both agree that you have a friendship? How about a caring relationship? A loving relationship? Do you both agree that you have or want a totally committed relationship?

Did you both agree on the first question? If so, how about the second? If its yes? Then what about the third? OK, then what about the fourth? If you don't agree all the way, you both have to move to the highest level of agreement and work from there. If you feel you want a totally committed relationship but your other half stops at wanting a loving relationship, not total commitment, then you have to work at the level of establishing a loving relationship first and temporarily put to one side the idea of a totally committed relationship. That's the highest common goal.

Can you see why this is so important? Far too often people are working from different levels. One person wants a friendship, the other wants a loving relationship. Instead of working on the highest common goal, which is a friendship, this is the desire they share in common, they each try to stake out their own territory and make a stand for their desires but it just doesn't work. By definition, in this situation one person has to give up what he or she wants and give in to the other person. If you work on the highest common goal, you're working on what you both agree. One person may want a higher goal but it's not going to be necessary for this person to give up this goal and give in to the other person. Once you both agree on the highest common goal, you then work together to move to a higher goal. You work together and not against each other. I hope this point is clear because it's an important one, not only in relationships but also in most of life.

This article is brought to you by MATCHMAKING.