CODEPENDENCE
People that are codependent have grown up in homes in which their parents relied too heavily on each other for emotional support. They watched in disgust as their parents cheated on each other and mistreated each other in other ways. They stayed together long past the point when they should have called it quits. From this experience, the child learned that they were incapable of making it as a healthy and independent adult. The codependent unconsciously thinks they can't make it without a mate, they are worthless without a mate, and that they are not good enough, along with a host of other negative thoughts. Consciously, they may vow not to become their parents.
The codependent and their love relationships
These people are drawn to relationships that start off hot and heavy. Because of their strong need to bond with another individual, they often get seriously involved early on in the relationship. Their mate, who is usually also a codependent, is always available, loving, and affectionate in the beginning. This is a dream come true for the codependent who constantly craves attention. This is until they begin to feel suffocated by their mate's possessive and jealous personality. They take up all their free times and isolate them from their friends and family. Their mate may demand too much not only emotionally, but also financially and mentally as well. The codependent thinks they are in love, although they soon become miserable, lonely, and depressed. To other people it may appear that this couple is in love because of the amount of time they spend together and the length of time the relationship can continue. Healthy men can be attracted to the dependent personality. However, they are just as quickly turned off by her clingy personality and disappear or they may stick around to take advantage of their generous ways.
Codependents and their interaction with family and friends
But, they have a tendency to be very self-absorbed. They ignore other people's wants and needs in order to get what they want and need. They are short-term thinkers who constantly seek instant gratification. The codependent doesn't mean to hurt any one. But, they are often too involved with holding on to their waning relationship to give them the love and attention they deserve. Their family will always be here, they may be thinking, but they may secretly know their relationship will not be. It is also a possibility that they are too ashamed of who they have become within their relationship to show their face. If the codependent is not involved in a love relationship, they may behave in a similar fashion with their family and friends. They may keep too close of an eye on their children and prevent them from hanging out with their friends. They may seem to be mean and unrelenting, but really they are desperate not to be alone. When hanging out with their friends, the codependent may get upset when their friends invite someone else along. They can also be too loyal towards their friends.
When the codependent tries to become more independent
Once the codependent tries to stand on their own two feet, their mate may become afraid that they will get left behind. Desperate to hold on, they may become violent, verbally abusive, and manipulative.
Codependents at work
It can be hard for the codependent to function at work due to their constantly changing emotions. And, because of the volatile nature of their relationship, they often have to quit coming to work or call out often due to family emergencies. Without an attachment they are very capable of doing a good job at work and making wise decisions. However, they have the tendency to allow themselves to be mistreated by their coworkers and supervisors and they may neglect to ask for raises or promotions because of their self-esteem issues.
How to get out of a codependent relationship
If the codependents lover is abusive, it is important that you leave right away. A good time to leave is when they are not at home. Otherwise, the codependent must stand their ground and do what is right for themselves and their family. The codependents mate may or may not come around. They can also benefit from counseling.
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