How to Handle Difficult People

You probably have enough common sense to know how to handle someone who is difficult. However, sometimes interacting with them can be so frustrating, you want to wring their necks! Difficult people come in many different forms. They are the arrogant, opinionated, critical, condescending, angry, blaming, offensive, negative, abusive, intimidating, backstabbing, bullying, "know it alls", who can make your life miserable. Avoid them if you can, but if you can't, here are some helpful ways to deal with them.

Stay calm and keep yourself level headed. If you fall prey to getting angry, you defeat the whole purpose. If you can maintain your rational judgment and stay aware of the situation, your sanity can be salvaged. Difficult people are experts at "playing this game" and you are an amateur against their lifelong skills -- so just Be Aware. Most times, their troublesome behavior is habitual and repeated with everyone they know.

You may want to ask the person directly what the problem is. At least you are trying to communicate that you sincerely are interested in what is disturbing him/her. Listen to what they say because many times it has nothing to do with you. Try not to be defensive, but instead repeat back what is said to be sure you heard correctly. "Let me be sure I understand what you are saying. You are saying that I... " Empathetic listening is a great way to move the anger away from you toward the content instead.

Arguments are usually a "battle of egos." Therefore, ask yourself, "How important is it to really win? Is it worth wasting my time and energy with someone in a negative state of mind? Am I ready to continue in this negative, downward spiral myself?" Opinions are just a matter of perspective. So, allow them to express their thoughts and let it go. Why get into a conflict when it's virtually impossible to change what someone believes or even how they live their lives.

Sometimes it's necessary to stand up for yourself, but you don't want to get caught in the other person's power struggle. Resist their traps by being aware of your own temptations to defend yourself. Often times, it's healthier to just walk away.

You can also try to use appropriate language that would make these difficult people less defensive. Say things like, "Maybe it's possible to... " "Would you be agreeable to... " "Sounds like we're at an impasse, but maybe we can... " etc.

If you are regularly around these difficult people, it is important to protect your self-esteem. Probably their facts about you are over exaggerated and based on assumptions, which are not logical or rational. Therefore, there is no point in defending yourself because it wouldn't make any difference. You know who you are and that's what's important. You also know who they are which makes it easy to ignore their "nonsense."

The most important thing to remember is to not become them, under any circumstances. Instead, be an example of tolerance, patience, kindness, respect and understanding. The people around us strongly influence us, but certainly don't allow these difficult people to make you engage in any of the behaviors that ruined their reputation. Perhaps through your kindness and understanding you can make them change and become better people!!

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