Have you ever been accused of being prejudiced toward your own race because you either engage in or support interracial dating? Figured so. This is actually a fairly common occurrence. When someone feels left out or shunned it's easier sometimes for them to lash out and attack your motivations rather than address their own self-doubts or insecurities.
Flip-side.
Have you ever tried to defend your interracial dating decisions by saying that they are simply your own preferences and, as such, are beyond reproach? That's typical too. When confronted by someone calling you out most of us go into self-defense mode and conjure up the first logical thing that comes to mind to try to prevent an argument.
Now, which one of those words is right when it comes to interracial dating?
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of the word prejudice is something like this: (1) a preconceived judgment or opinion or (2) an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge.
Pardon the high school English lesson here, but the key words in that definition that I think are often ignored are "just grounds" and "before sufficient knowledge." The definition implies that a person has to have some level of familiarity and a basis for forming a preconceived notion. Most people assume that interracial daters do not have these and that's what makes them prejudiced in their choices. I tend to think it's the opposite though. I think most people who date interracially usually don't start out doing so exclusively. The vast majority that I know started out dating within their own race and then decided to simply try something new. How can they be prejudiced then? They certainly had existing knowledge, although "sufficient" may be open to interpretation. However, that's relative. Dating once within your own race could be just as sufficient as dating ten times for someone else. Same thing can be said for having just grounds. If you went out with someone within your own race and didn't like certain things about them an argument can be made that you shouldn't write off the whole race because of one bad experience - but then again, why not? Maybe one experience is all you needed. Again, it's all relative! And who's to say that just because you see someone dating interracially that they're not willing to explore options within their own race? That's an assumption and you know what people say about those. One more look at that definition and you also see the word "adverse." Really, is it adverse if someone chooses not to date within their own race? Who are they necessarily hurting by making that decision?
Here's what Merriam-Webster has to say about the definition of preference. It goes something like this: (1) the power or opportunity of choosing or (2) the act, fact, or principle of giving advantages to some over others. Again, let's dissect this one as well. The key words here seem to be "opportunity of choosing" and "giving advantages to some." Well, how can you argue with words like opportunity and choosing? Those are good things, even inalienable rights in the United States, that everyone should enjoy. You can't blame anyone for wanting to exercise their opportunity of choice. But that last part is probably what causes disdain... giving advantages to some over others. Okay, while it may not feel good, it's a reality and it happens in all facets of our lives. Rather than trying to examine why some are getting advantages when it comes to dating a certain person, why not examine whether that situation is even right for you in the first place. Instead of making a snap judgment based on the optics you should consider things beneath the surface. If a woman sees a man of the same race dating a woman who isn't, it's completely non-productive for her to take umbrage and think negative thoughts about herself. What if that guy's a loser and the other woman just hasn't figured it out yet?
So, after all of that wordplay, it's still hard to call it, right? Honestly, I think it all comes down to a different word that just happens to start with the letter "p" and that's prerogative. And Merriam-Webster says it's (1) an exclusive or special right, power or privilege. At the end of the day, that's the best word to use when it comes to thinking about someone else's decisions or when referring to your own when it comes to interracial dating. It's their or your prerogative. And breaking this definition down is simple. You have a special right, power or privilege because it's your world! You run things in your world - nobody else has that ability other than you. That means that you're empowered to do whatever you want regardless of repudiation from others.
Yeah... it's your world. Therefore, it's your prerogative to have a preference that may or not be perceived as prejudice. And that's just peachy!
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