Will He Call After the Breakup?

If you recently broke up, and especially if you didn't want to, I expect you are hurting right now. You might be thinking that you will never again find a man like him, and you could never really love anyone else (by the way this is an example of the 'extreme thinking' that happens when we are in emotional trauma and is not rational or truthful).

You feel powerless because you didn't have any choice in the breakup. Maybe you cringe when you think back to some of the things you did and said during the breakup, and probably you regret some of the things that happened which caused the breakup in the first place. Guilt may compete with anger and sadness as your primary emotion at any one time. Yes it is an emotional, often confusing time, but one thing is for sure, you miss him and you want him back!

The good news is that you have every chance of getting him back. Also you can learn how to calm these emotions and you will feel better again. We will look at this a bit more in just a minute. But for now, back to the pressing question "will he call?"

You will be relieved to know that the answer is yes, in most cases he will indeed call you again at some point. In fact I will go so far as to say it is VERY rare for an ex not to call again ever, following a breakup. In my experience, in 99% of cases HE WILL CALL AGAIN! Even if you think your situation is bleak, because of what happened, or how you behaved, likelihood is he will STILL call! I never used to believe this was true, however I have seen it happen time and time again WHEN WOMEN FOLLOW CERTAIN, SPECIFIC GUIDELINES.

There are things you can do that will increase the odds of him calling, and eventually even getting back together, and there are also things you can do that will decrease the odds.

OK, let's start with what NOT to do:

• Don't call him! Really, please don't. I know you think your situation is different and that you should call him because you just need to explain... or apologise for... AND it's really important that you call him! That sense of urgency is natural when you are going through a breakup, however it's your worst enemy at the moment. It's a sad fact that when we are feeling desperate and miserable we are not at our most attractive and magnetic, so any contact you have will likely work against you. Instead you need to go against this instinct and limit contact at this time to necessary contact and emergencies. Necessary contact is if you have children or you work with him, and an emergency is something like a close mutual friend being in hospital, NOT that the shelves he built you have fallen down, you found his blue jumper etc..!


• And please don't go thinking up reasons for making contact with your ex. It's natural to want to speak to him, and you will have a MUCH better chance of reconciliation if you can reign this urge in. There will be a time for contact, however it is not now, while the situation is still raw and emotions are running high. Contacting him now will reduce your chances of getting him back, and probably irritate him, especially if he broke up with you. Instead you are going to do what works (see below).


• In a similar vein don't show up 'accidentally' at places where you know he is going to be. As much as you think you are being subtle people see straight through this and it makes you look desperate. We are going for attractive, strong woman to make him think twice about his decision, NOT desperate bunny boiler (said kindly, we can all be slight bunny boilers in the face of a break up!)


• Don't try to make him jealous, by sleeping with someone else, flirting with his friends or any of those other crazy methods we can resort to when we are feeling desperate.


• Don't drunk dial him! (This includes text too). Give your phone to a trustworthy girlfriend to look after on a night out if you don't trust yourself not to do this.


• Don't pretend to be or feel anything that you don't (ie pretending to be really happy when inside you are in bits) because it will come off as false. Instead just limit your exposure to him right now until you really are in a better state to start reconnecting the relationship.

And a few tips to get you started about what you CAN DO:

• Do take really good care of yourself right now. You have been through a lot and it's time for some self care. No-one ever got anyone back when they were looking and feeling dreadful. You can use this time to take care of yourself and do some things that will lift your spirits. This in turn will lift your vibe, which will go a LONG WAY to grabbing his interest when he does call. Plus if you create this space with no contact from you he will start to become curious, and this is a powerful tool for you.


• Do give yourself a break from the pain. Often when we are newly post break up we go over and over in our heads what happened, analysing everything we did and everything he did, and reliving all the painful emotions. I am all for processing and healing, however sometimes you need to find a way to break the cycle, so that you can make some space for some positive emotions and thoughts to come in!

Wishing you lots of luck and healing.

Julie.