Online Dating: Why Do the Majority of Single Men Fail?

Some of the lucky guys amongst us are naturals when comes to girls and online dating. But in the main, most men will need to look at a certain strategy and technique when it comes to mastering online dating. Success in the world's most competitive dating environment will take much more than good looks and brains. In fact, too much of a good thing has the potential to rail-road your online dating ambitions.

Any man who is considering turning to technology to find love should brace himself for a cold dose of reality because if he thinks that all it takes to become a seasoned online dater is to simply fire off a few messages to a couple of cute girls then he is destined to become yet another failed statistic. Men need to consider their options and do a little research into the online dating space before rushing off into the unknown with all guns blazing.

Online Dating: Where Girls Rule!

In a world that is largely dominated by men, the online dating game has its own set of rules, rules that are largely established by the girls. The average online dating site has around 65%-70% male members, meaning that the girls are a scarce commodity and can accordingly set the ground rules as to how men need to best approach them in order to rise above the noise. There are so many men using online dating sites that, from a girls point of view, it's pretty much easy come, easy go - next.

Contrary to the belief of some, dating is not rocket science, but even if it was, men are wired in such a way that they will instinctively look to excel at it. There are 2 main reasons as to why men fail with online dating. Men overestimate OR underestimate themselves.

First we have the smart guys, the guys that excelled all the way through school and can talk-the-talk on just about any topic. The problem herein is that they are too smart for their own good, and are too eager to share their opinions and accordingly come across as arrogant and intimidating - women are turned off by such attitudes.

When it comes to overestimating themselves, the other type of man in the dating game who falls foul of this, is an above average handsome man that has the social skills of a bull-frog. They might be nice to look at for a while, however it becomes boring after too long, and his vanity sends off signals that he is far too into himself than to be into anyone else.

Then there are the overly-intense guys, the one's that lay it all on way too soon! These types of guys often cross boundaries well before she is ready to let him in. Even though guys often start off with online dating with good and moralistic intentions, guys are renowned for asking for cybersex with girls they meet through an online dating site - a serious turn-off for many girls who just want to meet an honest and sincere man.

Establishing Your Presence with Your Dating Profile

Once you feel you're ready to start connecting with other single people online, her online dating profile is the key to pushing those buttons that will make her pay attention and give her a reason to respond to you instead of hitting the delete button. Personalizing your approach based on her profile description sends her the message that you have taken the time and interest to study her dating profile, "So you've been to the Big Apple too?

What an amazing city, what other parts of the U.S did you visit during your holidays?" When you first initiate communication, by asking questions, you as far more likely to provoke a response. By appealing to her senses, you'll likely get a reply and not end up in the trash delete pile with the rest of the guys.

As for guys who underestimate themselves, they more often than not have high IQs, decent social skills, although they sometimes tend to become overwhelmed when confronted with a real life dating experience or opportunity. This group of guys often become so consumed with not being over-confidant or arrogant, that they hide in their shell. And if this conservative approach reflects within your online dating profile, the girls will think you are simply too B-O-R-I-N-G.

The question still remains, what does it actually take for men to succeed with online dating? You can start by putting your best foot forward by being genuine, think of online dating as applying for a job, by making yourself a saleable item.

Your profile pictures, remember, you need to exhibit a fun, warm and adventurous side of you. Avoid using head shots where you're looking straight into the camera. An online dating study by Today's Dating revealed that photo's of men who were looking away from the camera in their profile pictures, attracted more hits than studio or rehearsed type snapshots.

In the initial stages of communicating with your new online dating friend, avoid being too intimate, too detailed or too vague. You're not authoring a new novel, so don't get too carried away and over-kill the details. Rather, concentrate on interesting topics that you can both relate to - and use her profile to uncover conversation topics.

Here's a final hint. Women love mystery and mysterious men. Try not to come across as too available too soon. Keep her guessing for a while, and she'll be compelled to try and solve the puzzle.

Enmeshment: What Is Enmeshment?

The word enmeshment is often used in the world of psychology, therapy and in every day relationships. These could be with family, friends and with intimate relationships.

On the en.wiktionary.org website, enmeshment is described as: The state of being enmeshed; entanglement. And if something is entangled, it means that it is caught up and is therefore - not free.

Examples

When I think of something being tangled up, I think of a piece of wire or someone with long hair. This could be wire that has been caught up in a fence or in another piece of wire. And hair that's long and untidy and has become caught up in other hairs.

Or another example that comes to mind is Christmas lights; Lights that haven't been put away properly and have ended up being wrapped around the faux Christmas tree branches or decorations.

These are ell examples of something that has been entangled and is no longer untangled and free.

Human Beings

On a physical level, human beings are clearly separate from each other; unless they hold hands, hug or are chained together for example. And so this means that enmeshment is not something that is physical in nature. It could manifest as being physical, but that is purely a consequence of what has come before it.

And if it is not physical, it must mean that is has to do with that is not physical. By this I mean emotions, thoughts, feelings ands sensations.

Enmeshment

Because although one can be physically separate from another person, this does not mean that one is emotionally separate from them or that one's thoughts are their own creation.

It can be that one's thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations are completely depended on another person. And this person is defining ones mental and emotional wellbeing.

So instead of their being two separate people or three or four, depending on the type of relationship, there will be one entity. There is likely to be a dominant person within that entity and the rest of the people will be directly affected by this person.

Different systems

This could be an intimate relationship where two people have no sense of individuality or identity. And are then entangled to each other mentally and emotional. There emotional and mental wellbeing is not self-directed.

Another example is within groups of friends, where people follow the leader of the group and do whatever is suggested. How they would like to behave or what they would like to do; is unknown to them. To follow the other person is normal and all they know.

The Family System

And then there is the family system and this is likely to be where the enmeshment actually started in the beginning. In this type of family, separation and individuality is prohibited at all costs. This does not mean that is literally spelt out or expressed through words. It is likely to be shown in the actions of the primary caregiver.

A man could take this role and so could a women; for it doesn't mean primary nurturer, it means the caregiver that is in charge.

At the very root of this family system, is not freedom of feeling, thought and action. Whoever the dominant figure in the family is, will be the one who decides what is allowed and what is not allowed to be expressed.

Expression

This will mean that a Childs unique expression will be denied, ignored and repressed. And this will relate to anyone else who is part of this family dynamic. What this child: feels, thinks and senses, will not be mirrored or acknowledged; it will be dismissed.

And replaced with the accepted: feelings thoughts and behaviours in that environment. This means that one will learn to distrust their internal processes. What these internal processes are made up of are: feelings, thoughts, emotions, senses, insights and hunches for example.

However as a result of these being dismissed in the early environment, the child will grow up having to look outside for guidance; because the inner guidance is no longer available.

Dependence

And if this is the case, one is then completely depend on the advice of another person. This will be as a child and as an adult, if one doesn't deal with this form of abuse. So what at first was met with resistance and frustration, will often be accepted without resistance as an adult

By then, one has probably forgotten about what remains hidden inside. But as a child one was close and connected to their inner aspects. And due to one being emotionally undeveloped, there is likely to be very little choice.

Sense Of Self

If one is out of touch with themselves and enmeshed to another person, it is clear to see that a sense of self is lacking. It was lacking in the caregivers and was then passed on to the next generation.

The caregivers were probably completely unaware of what they were doing. And out of their pain and misery; they perpetuated the same situation in their children.

Needs

In the very beginning, ones caregivers needs were likely to have been denied and their emotional and mental development would have been stunted. This means that they would have been needy and were likely to have felt a sense of emptiness and doubt in their resourcefulness as people.

And as a way to regulate those feelings, thoughts, emotions and sensations from their past, they attached themselves to their offspring and to the other people in their adult lives.

This will enable them to regulate their feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, hopelessness, and the absence of their sense of self.

Boundaries

What this also means, is that boundaries are not in existence. In this family dynamic, no one has an idea of where they begin and end and where another begins and ends. It is just one mass, where compromise and abuse is the rule and not the exception.

And as their caregivers where the same and the relationships that came after that; the patterns have simply continued.

Breaking Away

For one to break away from enmeshment, it will require awareness. There is likely to be two things that could stop one from developing boundaries and to put an end to being enmeshed. I would like to add that there will be times when one is enmeshed, it is part of the human experience, and it is only dysfunctional when this is the only relationship model that one has.

So, these two aspects will be guilt and fear. If one has only known what it's like to be enmeshed to other people and has never known what it feels like to be an individual that has boundaries, it will be normal and natural to feel fear about one's ability to survive as an individual.

And guilt, because, as a child's ones needs and other forms of expression would have been secondary to those of the caregivers needs. So what could be classed as illogical guilt could appear when ever one puts their needs first or responds to their needs

Who Am I

The ego mind may also cause one to question who they are and this again is normal as the ego mind has formed an association of familiarity and safety around being enmeshed.

And as the ego minds identity is based on the past and a combination of the past; as soon as the familiar is changed, the ego mind will become unstable.

Awareness

So although being enmeshed is dysfunctional and detrimental to ones growth as a human being, the ego mind is familiar with it. This will mean that these associations will have to be changed. And this means it would be beneficial to seek assistance through a therapist, healer or whoever one sees fit.

One will also have to realise their personal power. As for so long this would have been based on another person and one would have felt like a parasite. This again is based on the early childhood relationship, where ones caregivers didn't allow one to realise their strength.

Which means the ego mind would have associated as sense of power and strength as being attainable through another person, when in reality this is something that exists within and within only.

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Do You Need Help Getting Your Ex Husband Back Through Text?

As with most women who have recently gone through a divorce, the most common question going through your head right now is probably, "What can I do to get over this?" You must feel upset, lost and confused, but you should know that you shouldn't complain about the situation but take action in getting your ex husband back instead.

Remember: any of the decisions that you end up making within the next few weeks could either help you out or hurt you even more in the long run. The words that you say and the texts that you send will also play a big part in the results in getting your ex husband back, as well.

Another thing that you have to keep in mind is that nobody else can help you get your ex husband back. The only person who can do anything about it is you. Having said that, you can get help in getting your ex husband back, though, such as by reading this article.

For starters, you should never text your ex husband and beg him for a second chance. You shouldn't bombard him with text messages, either. This will only ruin your chances of reconnecting with him altogether. Instead, what you have to do is do things differently.

When texting your ex husband, for example, tell him that you are fine with the divorce now and that you think you both made the right decision. This is sure to make his head spin. However, it is also sure to show him that you understand his feelings and can deal with hard situations in a mature manner.

Overall, this is sure to make a good impression on your ex husband. However, you will need to do more than that if getting your ex husband back is your ultimate goal. The hardest yet most important thing you will have to do right now is try to forget his existence. That's right. You have to try and move on for now, so that you both have time to heal from the divorce. Aside from healing, your ex husband will also experience a vacuum effect if you do this and start missing you. This is practically guaranteed.

To make sure this method works, stop texting him for a short while. Once he starts to miss you, as promised, he will start texting you of his own accord. Then, from there, you can start texting him back and since he already misses you, your chances of getting what you want will be much higher.

This article is brought to you by SINGLES.

Enjoying People the Way They Are

To live an abundant life of peace, love, and joy we must connect with our world spiritually. And such connectedness occurs in and through people; the very people in our lives and around us. The abundant life is this: to truly enjoy the company of others. To do this we need to accept people unconditionally.

This seems impossible. How would we achieve this? Let's start this way:

This is a message we can never really hear enough of: find the awareness and develop the will to appreciate beauty everywhere, especially in the people.

Appreciating the beauty in people is an internal and an external thing. Where people are concerned, there are four things we can appreciate: other people's external and internal beauty, as well as our own external and internal beauty.

OTHER PEOPLE'S EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL BEAUTY

It's natural in our humanity to pick and prod at another person's personality, behaviours, and character. Irritated within, we clearly see the differences we don't like. But this default human position is not the way to the abundant life.

We need to take a U-turn.

God has made all people beautiful in their time. Externally every each one is adorned with bodily splendour; a symphony of billions of continuous biological, physiological, and psychological transactions at once - an entire living universe. Our organisms are cities' in their own right.

How could we not see this beauty in another person - in the person we have struggled to forgive, for instance?

Then there is the internal beauty. They, like we, have been made in the image of God, as thinking, feeling, and acting persons of divine worth - of such worth that the Son of God died for them. Others, internally and externally, have been made in specification to the same general blueprint. If our biology and experiences were of these people we would think, feel, and act pretty much as they do.

All people are beautiful - our task, interpersonally, is to find the beauty within each other person.

OUR EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL BEAUTY

We can't truly appreciate other people's external and internal beauty until we can appreciate our own. At this point we must appreciate our beauty; what we're made of; the value that God places on us as individuals; the fact that we are living, breathing human beings with histories, futures, and the present moment.

Our external beauty is manifest in physical form, just like others' is. We have been God-moulded and God-shaped. Not one of us is short on physical beauty, and no one has a world title on it.

Our internal beauty is magnificent. Our spirits are eternal, and therefore we cannot begin to contemplate the value that God has placed on us from before the time we were born.

All people are beautiful - our task, personally, is to find the beauty within us.

***

Appreciating the beauty in people provides us joy in our relationships, and joy in our lives. The more we can see people, including ourselves, as God sees us, the more we will be filled with joy projected toward love and peace.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

This article is brought to you by MATCH.

How to Get a Guy to Fall in Love With You - The Ultimate Guide

He is every man you've ever thought about having. In every angle, he's just perfect. But he's not yours yet. You don't even have any idea if he's noticed you at all. Well, the law of attraction says there's such a thing as making someone fall in love with you. If you want to take your chances, here is a helpful guide on how to get a guy to fall in love with you.

Setting Your Expectations

Take these tips as your psychological preparation. You will need it to keep going.

Be realistic. Even before you get to the business of scheming your way to have him fall for you, acknowledge that your efforts may not be returned the way you expected it to. This is not because of you. It's because just like you have chosen to love him, he can choose who to love. Then again, your optimism counts.

Be ready. Think ahead about what you might do in case Plan A does not work. This means bringing out the persistency in you. Who knows, you might be rewarded. It also means being ready for a surprise. If you play your cards right, and if he comes to his senses, he may get to scoop you right off your feet before you know it.

Working Your Way

The deal is here. Internalize these tips on how to get a guy to fall in love with you and let time do its job.

Be presentable. Smile. Keep your clothes tidy. Don't add to your wardrobe. Its cleanliness that's important. And yes, practice very good hygiene.

Be optimistic. Exude a positive attitude. In case your guy hoards a lot of negative energy, hey may be drawn to you because of your positive attitude.

Be yourself. If you think you have something in your personality that needs to be changed, work on it. Love does work wonders in making you change for the better, so embrace it.

Be reserved. Always keep yourself in check and don't volunteer any information such as your number. The tighter the restraint you exercise, the more you are giving him the chance to come closer to you.

Be with him. Linger around with him. Chat with him a little if he's doing something or just walk with him when you leave work.

Be a bit flirty. Hold his gaze then turn away. If you have the ability to blush voluntarily, do so. It catches his attention.

Be mysterious. Don't be an open book. Never volunteer any information he is not asking for. Let him wonder about you. If he sends you an SMS, if he drops you a friend request, if he leaves a smiley in chat, do not answer them too eagerly. Hold it off for some time. The longer you keep him waiting, the better the excitement.

The tips provided above point to patience and subtlety. How to get a guy to fall in love with you takes time so don't force it. It will come in due time as long as you stay faithful to your goals.

This article is brought to you by DATING.

Win Your Ex Boyfriend Back With These 4 Easy Steps Through Text

Losing a boyfriend isn't easy to get over. So, if you want to win your ex boyfriend back, then it would be forgivable if you end up thinking about doing a lot of the mistakes that you shouldn't make in these situations. However, even if you are currently feeling desperate; if you know that acting in certain ways is wrong, then try to avoid doing those things for now. You won't regret it.

Instead, if you want to win your ex boyfriend back, here are 4 easy steps through text that you can follow through text to actually succeed in the end.

Step 1: Consciously make an effort not to seem needy through text.

To be completely frank, you should know that your ex boyfriend will not want to get back together with you if there aren't any challenges involved. So, instead of sending him a ton of whiny text messages, surround yourself with an air of mystery instead. Do not plead for a second chance, but be confident and emotionally stable instead. This will make you look much more valuable in your ex's eyes - that's for sure.

Step 2: Cut your texting ties for a while.

If you want to win your ex boyfriend back, then cutting your ties with him through text would be one of the best ways to do so. This might be hard in the beginning, but if you keep yourself busy, you will be able to mend your pains in no time. Besides, thinking about your ex and the breakup won't help you win him back anyway, nor will it help you find any hidden clues or answers on how to do so.

Step 3: Look for a good moral support system.

Your friends are going to be of the utmost importance right now. If you ever feel the urge to text your ex, text them instead. Get them to try out new activities with you, as well, so you can stop thinking about your ex and the breakup for the time being.

Step 4: Press "rewind" in your head.

You were in a relationship with your ex because you loved certain things about each other, right? Well, if this is the case, then all you really have to do is figure out what he loved about you and then go from there. In other words, just find out why you broke up and what he loved about you, so you can reignite the flame between the two of you through text and win your ex boyfriend back in no time.

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What Men Want in a Woman

What would you like your woman to be?

Yikes! I know how questions like this make men feel. We get a lump in our throats; our minds go on overdrive to mentally note down the qualities we like in our "woman". Not wanting to miss anything, yet avoiding the label "sexist" or "male chauvinist pig", we play it safe by saying, "It depends."

The phrase, "It depends" is a good starting point to lead us somewhere or nowhere. It can clarify or murk things, enlighten or confuse.

For women are complex creatures. Any attempt to describe her fully and aptly would require more letters in the alphabet. And if we fuss and bother over her complexities, men will suffer from perpetual frustration and sexual deprivation.

Unlike women, men are simpler, especially in the subject of women. In fact, they are quite primitive. They could not think beyond legs, boobs, lips, butts and many other attributes of a sex object, not of a creature worthy of admiration and respect.

Intelligence? Some men love good intellectual exchange. I do. Bit a great many prefer to get rid of the preliminaries and start digging right in.

Meaningful relationships, thanks goodness, are not built on digging right in. Even animals do better. They ogle and dawdle before ending up in an orgiastic caboodle. In very rare cases, they may even part ways, unable to mate, for lack of chemistry.

So what is in a woman that can make a man dance, prance, sing or make a fool of himself to win her affection? Even social scientists don't have good answers. It is a "moving target," impossible to put under a microscope or create in a test tube.

But there are indicators, such as:

Physically attractive:

If she is cross between Jennifer Lopez and Anne Hathaway, you've hit jackpot. But landing one is as slim as winning the lotto.

No, she doesn't have to be that physically attractive. But she must have what it takes to leave you, and other men, breathless, make their heads turn, or whistle at in admiration.

She must be worth taking to an expensive dinner, with you not minding the tab; bring to your class reunion without feeling as if your guts are turned upside down.

Know what I mean?

Socially responsible:

Relationships are not ownership rights. Neither is it a license to dominate nor to submit. It is interaction based on mutual agreement and understanding bounded by current societal and cultural mores.

While picking her nose in public or slurping her soup may be despicable, they are not as socially reprehensible as using loud and foul language in public, or wearing Lady Gaga look, or being loud in her show of excitement or emotion.

It is being cool and subdued and serene in the scrutinizing eyes of your peers.

Have balls:

Not only men have balls. Some women have, too.

I always find it surprising, and reassuring, to meet a woman who can hold her own against the competition or against other men.

No, I don't mean an aggressive, abrasive and domineering nagger. This is not balls but ignorance or social mal-adjustment.

I mean a woman who, aside from having a lovely head on her shoulders, can carry herself gracefully under pressure, can say "No" if necessary and can make decisions without having to rely too much on her man.

A woman of chutzpah, if I may call it, is a welcome change from the docility women are popularly thought of.

Cool and level-headed:

Nobody likes to be with a woman who goes ballistic at the slightest provocation, if at all. My sisters-in-law are like that. Right now, I know of at least three husbands who are a sorry SOBS.

Women, by nature, are reserved in their demeanor. While most can keep their cool even if darts and arrows are thrown their ways, some become clanging cymbals at the slightest breeze.

Being cool and level headed allows for pleasant conversation, healthy exchange of ideas, thoughts and feelings. Makes love-making great, too.

It also makes a wonderful home a man loves to retire to at the end of a workday.

Men, despite his philandering ways, still prefer a really good one. Finding it, however, is not like going shopping. There is no such thing as one-size-fits-all type of woman. Each is an individual in her own way; does not have the sameness of characters of a keyboard.

It is a matter of averaging those attributes you can or cannot live with or without; the negotiable and non-negotiable.

Meeting a woman is easy; getting her to bed is sometimes a challenge. Keeping her, even for the medium term, is a mixture of art and diplomacy. It is plain sainthood to be able to keep her forever.

This article is brought to you by DATING SERVICE.

I Want My Ex Girlfriend Back - How Can I Make It Happen?

After a breakup that was not of your choosing it's natural to think about whether you and your girlfriend could get back together again. And it's true that many break ups can be fixed; you probably have friends who have gone through similar experiences yet managed to solve their problems and stay together. Lots of people go through storms in their relationships, yet find a way to weather them. But right now you need to face up to the reality of your breakup, and do what you can to make it possible for you to get back together.

You need to think about what went wrong, and what you could do differently in the future should your girlfriend give you a second chance. It's possible to draw some useful lessons out of a bad experience, which will give it a more positive aspect and help you to learn what mistakes to avoid in the future.

But don't rush to put your ideas into action immediately. You both need to calm down so that you can look back at your relationship more clearly. Often you'll find that over a few weeks the reasons for your breakup will become clearer and easier to understand. Seeing your relationship in perspective will also help you to be sure about what you really want.

So it's better if you don't contact your girlfriend for three or four weeks. Don't worry that this will encourage her to forget you and move on. Giving her space will emphasise the void that has opened up in her life, and give her a chance to miss you. Everyone who ends a relationship wonders afterwards whether they have done the right thing, and if you don't put pressure on your girlfriend now, she is more likely to remember the good things you shared together and have regrets.

Take this time to focus on yourself. Go out with your friends, do some sport or training and take some weekend trips. Boost your confidence by getting out and meeting people. Work on adding some new dimensions to your life, so that you show the world - and your ex - what a busy, interesting person you are

Making these changes in your life is great for two reasons. The first of course is that it stops you brooding too much over the breakup, and gives you a lift just when you really need it. Filling your days with positive things will give you a good feeling. But the second reason is even better, as it gives out the message than you are doing well, you are cool about the breakup, and you're really enjoying the freedom to do what you want.

You need to make your girlfriend think she is really missing something good, and to make her see exciting qualities in you that she has missed up to now. And adding new people and interests to your life will give you a fresh perspective on the future.

After a few weeks you should have a better idea of how you see your future. Do you still want to get your girlfriend back, or are you ready to move on? If you still want to get back together, now is the time to be a bit more direct and to find out how she is feeling about you.

It's better to be a bit laid back about seeing her again, and to take things slowly at first. Suggest a casual meeting over coffee just to catch up, rather than an actual date. Play it cool and don't stop doing all the new things you have been working on these last few weeks. Meeting up occasionally should give you a feel for how much she has been missing you, and whether her feelings about your old relationship have changed. Take it slow and easy, and if getting back together is really going to happen it should soon become clear.

This news article is brought to you by DATING ADVICE 201 - where latest news are our top priority.

Relationship Tips for Women - 3 Things That Should Make You Worry A Bit

Wondering about the status of your relationship can be alarming at times and sometimes it is better not to place so much attention on those things that make you worry. Sometimes it can do more harm than good. Of course, there are certain things that you do want to look out for, especially if you are hoping that the guy you are in a relationship with right now is going to be the one you are with a year from now.

Here are three things that I think you should worry about, at least a little bit:

1) You notice that he is acting very distant from you lately.

Sometimes this can be a sign that he is ready to leave you and by distancing himself, he is just making it easier for the day when he does end the relationship. Sometimes, it just means that he is going through something and the way that he knows how to deal with that is to distance himself. Whatever the reason might be, I would worry at least a little bit if you start to notice that your boyfriend is acting very distant from you lately. A shift in his behavior like that might not mean a thing, or it might mean that he is not going to be with you for much longer.

2) You feel like you just cannot seem to trust him, even though you really want to.

When you feel like you don't trust a guy you are dating, that is usually a cause for concern. One of the little tricks that women can sometimes play on themselves is to start to think that the problem is with them, when it is really with the guy that they are dating. If you are not usually jealous and suspicious in a relationship, but the guy you are with right now makes you feel that way... that might be something that is going to be an issue down the road and something that you want to pay attention to.

3) You can't seem to get him to open up about himself.

If you have tried a lot to get him to talk more to you or to open up more about himself and it doesn't seem to do much at all, then that may be something that is worth worrying about. Part of having a long term relationship is getting to know one another and if you can't seem to get him to open up about himself, then you might hit a point where you really don't feel that connected to him and that can sabotage the relationship.

This news article is brought to you by TAXES BLOG - where latest news are our top priority.

Relationship Advice - 5 Tips Why It's Best To De-Friend Your Ex on Facebook!

In the old days, breaking up meant not having to have any contact with your ex once the "dumping" was over. But today, technology makes the split much more difficult to finalize. While Facebook is great for staying in touch, there are times when we don't want that particular ability.

Here are five reasons why it's best to de-friend your ex:

1. No need to hide. We often feel the need to hide our new relationships from an ex. There are many reasons why we would feel compelled to do so...

• we feel guilty for moving on,
• we don't want to unnecessarily hurt them,
• we don't want to make them jealous of someone we are hanging around with.

The list goes on. If they can't see your profile, then there's no one to hide from.

2. It allows you to grieve in private. People often display their emotions on Facebook... especially if they are hurting. Your ex does not need to know about those feelings and you don't need to stifle your emotions. Solve both issues and keep the grief private.

3. It takes away the possibility you can remain friends. Being friends after a breakup might sound noble, but it usually is not a good idea. Friends confide in one another. Your ex isn't going to want to go from the position of being your partner and having so much to do with your life, to sitting back and watching you live life without them. It isn't fair and it isn't comfortable for either of you.

4. It allows you to separate yourself from the negativity of the relationship. Seeing your ex on Facebook is going to bring back memories... bad ones. You will read little comments, see their attitude being displayed, voicing their opinion, etc. All of this is going to trigger negative emotions and memories that will relive the "bad" of the relationship. You don't need to be reminded of any of those thoughts or feelings.

5. To allow you to grow. Growing and maturing is a natural by-product of a relationship that has ended. You have to be able to move on with your life and have new experiences. Your creative side could be held back if you feel someone is watching over you to see how you deal with various aspects of life generally.

This is the time to follow through with your dreams... dreams that might have been put on hold, or even totally suppressed during the relationship. Now, it's about growing!

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Relationship Advice - Regrets and Advice From A Divorcee!

Anyone who has ever gone through a divorce will tell you they have many regrets about the ending of their relationship. Going into marriage is such a new adventure with so many challenges; there are bound to be stressful times that come up. If you listen to advice from a divorced person telling you how to deal with those difficult times, it will help make your marriage stronger and aid in keeping you from becoming part of the divorce statistics.

Regret No. 1: Not expressing yourself. Your partner knows you love them... or else you would not have decided to get married, right? But just because the wedding ceremony is over, it doesn't mean your need to express your love for your partner should end too. Your partner really needs to see and hear about your love for them. They know the love is there, but they still need to see examples of it in their everyday life, not just on anniversaries, holidays, birthday, etc.

Regret No. 2: Not forgetting the past. The past is behind you for a reason. Since you can never go back and change it, why would you want to dwell on something you have absolutely no control over? Unless you fell in love as children and grew up together, we all have a history before we met our spouse. Digging into your past (that naturally does not include them), isn't fair for you to have to answer to... and it isn't fair for them to ask you to do that.

Regret No. 3: Fighting over money. Money fights are the number one cause for divorce. Each partner in an intimate relationship can have different views on money and still stay married. It's called communication. It's called compromise. When a husband comes home from work excitedly driving a new motor home and the couple is financially struggling, then this is a sign they are not communicating very well about their finances. Don't argue about money: talk about it!

Regret No. 4: Not listening. Hearing your spouse and listening to what it is they are actually saying, are two different things. We can hear them and still tune them out. But listening requires us to process the conversation and decide whether we are going to apply it to our relationship or ignore it's importance. Why is ignoring it so bad? Because, each time we make this choice, we are either strengthening or weakening our relationship.

This is a particularly important choice... because there will come a time when making the wrong decision could mean the end of your marriage.

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What to Do When Your Forgot About Your Anniversary

Picture the scene.

It's 150,000BC, Mr. Caveman and his tribe hunker down in the undergrowth ready to pounce on an unsuspecting Wildebeest.

They strike, capture the beast and chop him up ready for the journey back to camp.

They make their way into camp triumphant, keen to see the smiling faces of the tribes people.

But hang on, what's this? There are no smiles, just icy stares and scowls emanating from every face in the crowd.

It's at that moment it dawns on Mr. Caveman dun dun duuuun he's forgotten their anniversary!!

Mr. Caveman knows his fate is sealed. He is shunned from the tribe and lives out his days in exile destined to a life of isolation until eventually he is gobbled up by a passing T-Rex, a fitting punishment for such a heinous crime.

The tribes people rejoice safe in the knowledge that this awful man has met his fate.

The End

Not a likely scenario right?

Back in the good old days of Dinosaur Vs Man Men's duties were clear: 1) defend the camp and 2) hunt dangerous and delicious beasts. They weren't expected to worry about remembering their Anniversary or their Mums birthday.

We are a product of thousands of years of evolution but this focus on external factors remains prevalent in the male constitution. This, as Psychologist Dr Herb Goldberg points out, is part of the reason why a high percentage of men forget important dates like birthdays and anniversaries.

"They [men] are wired to focus on the external threats and pressures of the world outside of their "safe" relationships".

"In earlier times that meant hunting dangerous game and defending the homestead from marauding tribes but today is more likely to mean getting that promotion and ensuring that Jones from sales doesn't get it," Dr Goldberg says.

"A man who forgets an anniversary or birthday is not being cruel or deliberately hurtful but is disconnected from the personal realm by his focus on the external realm. Men can become so focused on things outside of the relationship - work, sport, and hobbies/interests that they become 'blind' to everything else."

Guys tend to remember important dates such as Mortgage payments and Insurance renewals but less logical events simply fall off the edge in the list of things to do.

We all know Men and Women think differently, there have been numerous studies documenting this and evidence suggests it's the same the world over.

In conclusion, Men are rubbish at remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries but they have a pretty good excuse.

However as any man who has forgotten his anniversary will know; having a good excuse will not prevent the inevitable tirade which follows any forgotten occasion.

It comes down to the fact that while it may not seem like a big deal to guys, it means a lot to the ladies.

A recent survey revealed that 88% of women would be hurt if someone close to them forgot their birthday and 55% would feel that person didn't care about them!

So guys buy a calendar, use a diary, write every date down on a post-it note and decorate your office with them, there are countless ways to ensure you don't forget these occasions. Don't leave these dates to tumble around in the jumbled up filing cabinet which is your head because they will fall out it's just a matter of time!

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3 Powerful Tips to Getting Over Your Ex

No one ever said that breaking up with a loved one is ever easy. The most difficult part about this tragedy comes AFTER the break up. Soon after you both part from each other, your mind may be filled with tons of emotions of memories of you and your ex once being happy together. Your emotions will run at lightning speeds and you frequently feel hopeless about what lies ahead for your future, but it's something you will need to get over in order for you to finally move on and enjoy life again.

Many couples have been through this difficult event during some point in their lives. The main factor in moving on is your will and desire to want to move on. If you want to, then you will succeed. It will surely take a while for the pain to subside, but in the end it will be the best thing you can do for yourself. Life is full of wonderful and pleasant surprises ahead, and that's why you need to eventually accept your break up in order to welcome future opportunities of meeting new people. Here are three valuable tips to help you finally get over your ex:

1. Confront Your Pain and Let It All Out

I'm not gonna lie. There will be the turbulence of emotions running through your mind and your heart will feel a pain it's never imagined it can feel before, but if you have the desire to move on and let the pain subside, you will have to face your pain and accept it for what it is. Take some time to let all of your emotions of anger, sadness, and pain out by crying it out. This is a time of reflection with yourself and with what went wrong with you and your ex. Be sure you go through this period alone, meaning no receiving advice from others, including your closest friends and family. They may mean well by giving you their advice, but they aren't you and aren't experiencing the tragedy of your break up. So what they say is easier said than done. By the end of this week after having confronted your pain, you will clearly feel a difference in your spirits and emotions as it will have allowed you to purge out all that emotional baggage you've been keeping inside ever since the break up.

2. Be Conscious and Stop Thinking About Your Ex

After you've given yourself time to cry it out during the first step, you will then move on to this next one. You will need to completely remove anything from your home that brings back any traces of memories of your ex. This includes pictures of you two, pictures of him/her, gifts and meaningful items you both bought together, etc. Lock up the collections of love songs that have meaning behind it and remind you of your times together. Mute saddening love songs that will trigger your emotions for your ex to come back. Anything that brings forth memories of your ex will hinder you from getting over them, so please, do yourself a favor during this stage of overcoming your break up and store that baggage up so you can move forward to step three.

3. Look Forward To The Future

Keeping an optimistic outlook of your dating future may seem difficult, if not impossible, because you have just gone through what seems like one of the most tragic of all situations in your life. But in order to break through fully and move on for once and for all, you will have to welcome future opportunities with dating other people. You will soon realize that you can and will meet someone new who might be much better than your ex has ever been! Surround yourself with positive vibes and hang out at places where you can meet new people. You will be intrigued and amazed with how much fun you've been missing out on ever since your break up. Your spirits will turn around for the better and you will realize how easy it is to actually get over your ex... I wouldn't be surprised if you actually asked, "what ex".

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The Age Thing

Demi Moore and Madonna did it so if it feels good why not. I'm referring to women dating and even marrying someone who is at least ten years or more younger than themselves. Contrary to popular belief it's not a rare occurrence and there are many women who marry younger partners without encountering significant problems. Of course there are advantages to loving and marrying someone who is ten years or more your junior, not least of which is that it encourages you to maintain a younger, more vital and healthy appearance.

So what are some of the possible advantages of marrying someone who is a few years younger? Arguably once you are in your forties you would have attained financial security as well as a mature confidence in your own abilities. This isn't always as evident in younger people, who may still be struggling to make their mark in society. Once you are financially secure you should be more independent and able to be more flexible in your choice of a partner.

The current term for the older woman/younger man relationship is either that you are a 'sugar momma' or you may have a 'trophy husband'. I'm sure most women perceive of their mate as being special and something of a trophy, but having a young male who is tending to your every need has got to be a great plus. Additionally let's not forget that the female sexual appetite increases once she reaches sexual maturity in her thirties, and the young male is probably very virulent so the intimacy between this particular type of couple should ensure that they are able to sexually satisfy one another.

Moving swiftly on there are additional advantages to loving and marrying a man who is ten years or more your junior? One definite advantage is most females would have been through the stage of academic achievement, and are quite likely to have a well established career. The likelihood is that they would not want children or anymore children, thus any additional financial strain in starting a new family may well be avoided. I don't mean to be cynical, but rearing a child in today's economic climate can have severe financial as well emotional repercussions. The majority of mature woman are emotionally secure and have a well-developed self-esteem. They know their own self-worth, are usually effective communicators, and capable of making positive lifestyle decisions. Another positive about maintaining a relationship with an older woman is that they are less likely to cheat on you. Additionally if you date and eventually have a long term relationship with an older woman the likelihood is that she is less likely to 'mess' with your head or play with your heart. She invariably knows what she wants and how to achieve her goals. In suggesting this I believe that the older female is not interested in scoring points, and trying to ensure you respond to her every whim. In fact the more mature woman is much more likely to be supportive, caring and to place your needs before her own. Given the accuracy of this reasoning it may well be that the mature woman isn't as high maintenance, as she already has a healthy positive self image, and is quite capable of looking after herself.

Essentially I believe there are a multiplicity of reasons why a relationship with an older woman is worth considering. The older women have a wealth of knowledge, and may well be more sexually experienced and liberated than a younger woman. However, as in most things, especially relationships there are difficulties, or the downside, so to speak. In considering a relationship with an older woman you should take into consideration that they may be too old to have children. By the age of about 48 years, most women's bodies begin to change and as they become pre-menopausal and then menopausal the ability to conceive lessens. You should also take into consideration that if conception is possible there is a high possibility that a child could be mentally handicapped. In the main most woman in this age group have already raised their children, and are less likely to want additional children, preferring perhaps to be adoring grandparents. Another factor in child rearing is that as we get older our energy levels may become severely depleted making caring for a child a little more difficult.

Another factor to take into consideration when dating and marrying an older woman is that while I believe the more mature figure is quite attractive some might argue that physically they are not as attractive as a younger woman who also has far fewer wrinkles. It's also important that you take into consideration that the older person who will probably age gracefully is more likely to get ill and may require need care as opposed to the younger person who is probably in robust health, consequently the role of carer may come into play earlier than one might have anticipated.

On a more positive note an experienced and knowledgeable companion is a plus, and if you share similar interests, and communicate effectively, then there are many advantages to this particular type of relationship.

Whatever you choose, follow your heart!

Veronica Williams

The Top Two Reasons It Is Better to Text, Not Call, a Girl You Just Met

You can't call a girl you just met anymore. Calling relies on you and your new girl both being available to talk at the same time. If she's busy when you call, she probably won't answer. Then, if she doesn't answer and you leave a voicemail, there's a good chance she won't listen to it. In fact, a lot of people, myself included, just don't listen to voicemail anymore. Even if she does listen to voicemail, the probability that she'll call you back is extremely low.

So, what do you do? Text. It's that simple; just text.

Texting has two serious advantages over a phone call:

1. Text is "Asynchronous Communication"

What does that mean? It means you both don't have to be communicating at the same time for it to work. So, for example, you can send her a text on Monday morning asking if she wants to have drinks Monday night. She might be at work when you text her, check out your text at lunch and text you back that she's available. Say you choose to call her instead. You call her Monday morning, and she listens to your message at lunch (a small miracle, by the way). She calls you back, but you're at work. She leaves a message, but you don't listen to your message until later, say 3 pm. You call her back, but she's at work, you leave a message, but at this point, she's not even hearing your message until she's done with work, is tired, and has been trying to get a hold of you all day, she's tired, doesn't have time to prepare and is just kind of "over" the whole meeting up with you Monday night thing. She might call you back, and maybe she even agrees to meet up with you later in the week, but you've totally lost momentum, and the chances that she'll flake are high.

2. Text is Low Commitment

People don't like commitment, so if you're asking someone you just met to commit to a phone call, you're asking for a lot. When you ask for a lot, there's always a chance that you won't get it. Besides, nobody wants to get on the phone with a boring person. Now, you might just want to call her to set up a date, but she doesn't know that. People always think of the worst possible scenario, and you can bet that, at some point, she's been on the phone with a boring guy who talked her ear off. Who wants that? With text, you can send her a quick text, she can decide if and when to text you back, and you can both handle the logistics around meeting up without having an in-depth, long conversation. Besides, you want to save any long conversations for when you're actually with her.

So, we've established that text is the best way to reconnect with a girl you just met. But, texting, like anything else, can be done well or poorly. In order to be successful with women today, you need to learn what to text a girl.

Getting Back Together - Is Your Ex Using You?

You and your ex are back together, but how are things going between you? Are you happy and fulfilled, with both of you working together to make your relationship better than it was before? Or have you settled for a few casual hookups and the occasional call or text? If so, you ex is probably just using you, and you need to do something now to change that.

When you want something from somebody who doesn't want to give it, it gives them power over you. This makes it easy for them to start using you. In getting your ex to take notice of you again, it's important not to make yourself too abject and available. This is why it is so important to get the right advice when you want to get your ex back.

Did they came back because they wanted to be with you; because you built up the attraction between you so that they saw you again as the one person they really wanted to be with? Or did they just give in to your begging and pleading and hook up with you one night? After a breakup, there are effective strategies you can follow which will reignite the passion and attraction in your relationship, and it is really important to get things right. Otherwise you are likely to end up just being used.

You ex may start to see you as a sort of prop in their life, a source of easy money or sex, or someone to fall back on when no-one else is available. If this is the pattern of your relationship now, then you have been using the wrong tactics, and you will need to be very tough with yourself to get things back on track.

First of all you have to call time on your ex taking you for granted, and make it clear that you are not prepared to spend time with them unless they are going to make a commitment to you. There is no point in wasting yourself on someone who doesn't return your love, as it will never make you happy. But it will take time and determination on your part to convince your ex that they can no longer take you for granted, and you will have to stick to your guns on this.

To avoid all this disappointment and hassle, it is better to use the right strategy from the start. Instead of being the supplicant, you need to rebuild the attraction between you and your ex so that they are the one wanting to get back together with you. When you attract them back (rather than persuading them to come back), you involve their imagination and their emotions much more effectively. This creates the romance and passion which will truly reignite your relationship.

It is also important not to make it too easy for your ex to get what they want. It is human nature to value something more when it cost some effort to get it, and unless you ex is prepared to put some effort into making things work, your relationship is not likely to recover. The trick is to motivate them so that they want to make that effort. That is why using the right strategies is so important.

Don't let your ex pressure you into doing anything before you are ready. Remember you are looking for a commitment here, as you do not want to end up in the position where you are being used. This will be difficult for you when you really want to be with them, but it is a good test of how sincere they are in wanting to get back together with you. If they are not willing to respect your wish to take things slowly, then they probably don't want you back for the right reasons.

If you are doing things right, your ex may become a bit impatient or frustrated, but you should make sure you get a commitment form them before making any big moves. When things have already gone wrong between you, it is vital that you create something strong between you first on which you can rebuild your relationship. You are trying to get things right this time, so you are entitled to take you time and feel confident about your ex's commitment before you let them completely back into your life.

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Thai Dating Advice for Westerners

Thai Dating Truth and Fiction

Generally speaking, Thai dating i.e. between a Western man and a Thai lady, is something that has led to many a broken heart (usually belonging to the Western man) and will probably lead to many more. The mistakes that foreigners make when looking for romance in the land of smiles are basic in nature. We in the West are quick to trust people because our culture values truth like no other. Liars are not liked and because of that we try hard to avoid lying, we also assume that other people do the same... even those from different cultures.

Don't go thinking that I'm accusing anyone from a different culture of being a liar and proud of it, I don't mean it that way. I just mean that in other cultures, and in Thai culture in particular, it may be that telling certain 'white lies' might be seen as being more acceptable in certain situations. I don't mean that lying itself is seen as being virtuous, just acceptable in some circumstances. Conflict avoidance in Thai culture is seen as being of absolute paramount importance, and telling a few untruths to avoid conflict is perfectly OK.

Thai Dating Site Advice

When it comes to what you will read/hear on a Thai dating website, I suspect that the boundaries between what is an acceptable lie and what is not are again less clear cut. For one thing, a typical Thai lady will make the welfare of her parents her number one priority in life. If telling a few white lies to Western men (who are usually thought to be a bunch of millionaires one and all) in order to find themselves a wealthy husband and thereby give them the ability to look after those parents, my advice is to be extremely suspicious of anything you hear or read from those Thai ladies. Your natural instinct to trust whatever you hear needs to be curtailed just a little!

If you are looking for someone special online then you need to be especially suspicious of what information you are being given. A Thai dating site will be host to plenty of Thai ladies that are there for purposes other than finding true love! That's not to say that these websites do not offer value, many of them offer great value and entertainment! They are perfect for getting in touch with Thai ladies from a distance, and even better for building up your familiarity and comfort with talking to people from a different culture. Don't be at all afraid of Thai dating online; just don't immediately assume that everything you read/hear is the truth.

An Exciting Opportunity

The way to get the most out of Thai dating websites is to spread your wings and talk with lots of girls. As you build up your experience you will be able to spot the more obvious tricksters and you will get a feel for what is true and what is fiction. There are plenty of genuine Thai ladies online, and you will be able to find them. Once you have found a few that you like and that like you, that's the time to set up some meetings in person. Heading to Thailand to meet some online friends that you have already gotten to know a little gives you an opportunity for a really exciting vacation!

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Everyone Loves in Different Ways

Everyone loves in different ways. People have their own way of expressing love. Some people keep it underneath a thick exterior, while others are very openly affectionate. Each person also needs a certain type of love. The common point is that everyone wants to feel loved. When you're single finding someone to love you, the way you want to be loved, seems like a never-ending task. When you find someone that will love you, keeping the love strong becomes the new problem.

So how do you keep love strong? What things need to be done? That, my friend, is the question of the ages. Everyone changes over time, which makes relationships difficult. Change occurs when you have kids, go through troubling times, and lose your job; anything that puts stress on a person. The key is to learn each other's changes, and learn to love them.

Each change takes time to occur, giving you and your spouse time to adjust to them. When you feel that your love is slipping what do you do? How do you repair a broken relationship? I have no answer to this problem.

I will be honest I am a little needy in a relationship. I want to feel wanted every day. I am not saying I want my man to be right up under me, no. Although I want to receive attention and affection daily. I don't want a puppy dog, or puppy love; I want a strong loving man. Give me affection and a little attention and I will be satisfied.

Generally men tend to need less from a relationship, but that is not always true. Women typically want love and affection regularly, getting adequate affection usually keeps women satisfied on that aspect. Both partners need a physical relationship with each other, no matter what the other says. Physical aspects of the relationship keep intimacy alive.

Intimacy in a relationship can make or break it. No, intimacy is not just physical it's emotional too. Just spending time together doing things that the other likes to do is intimate. Even something as simple as snuggling on the couch watching a movie is intimate. Take a little time to learn small things about each other so you know each others needs.

So keeping your relationship strong is a daily process. No relationship is perfect and every one takes work. Stay consistent and love. Good luck.

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Relationship Theory

The Relationship theory state in all relationships we are either in recovery or relapse, Assuming we all interact with different elements present in our environment the intensity (energy) of different relationships grows stronger or weaker as life happens; For example, our first relationship being the bond between mother and child. Survival depends on less more intense relationships, as an infant then for a toddler, or teenager. Another way to say this would be the amount time involved in a mother-child exchange has a major significance to one's existence. Relationships result in tension (friction) causing a discomfort (stress) Recovery from tension relieves the symptoms of friction. Relapse is a conscious or unconscious reversion back to an unhealthy relationship. RT assumes we all have a tendency to be drawn to particular relationships with a propensity toward stressful and unhealthy ones, relapse inevitably will follow. Becoming aware of such relationships enables us to choose alternative methods of behavior reducing relationship intensity. An example would be an alcoholic working at a bar, or a sex offender living close to their substance (relationship) of choice. Relapse prevention is an ongoing process of recovery.

Being aware of our relationships, knowing which one are stressful, alternative actions can be tried. Knowing how and when relapse happened, the results for the next encounter with a given relationship can be changed to have a different outcome. Being able to recognize which relationships may cause us harm and understanding how our behaviors and attitudes contribute toward involvement in harmful relationships, we are able to better assess the potential harm a particular relationship is currently having on ourselves and others.Developing an awareness and ability to recognize which relationships are harmful can be a motivational influence in developing different thought patterns, and behaviors to reduce stress and relapse. Becoming aware of such relationships avails opportunities to choose alternative methods of behaving which reduce relationship intensity even further. What is important in Relationship Theory is self-motivated internally induced willingness to explore better relationships. Using Motivational Interviewing and Brief Interviewing Relationship Theory can be used with individuals, groups and families.

Brief Interventions for substance abuse empower individuals to take small steps to behavioral change. A substance abuse problem may not always be the presented problem. Recognizing changing behavior takes action on an individual basis is a vital part of treatment outcome. Motivational interviewing techniques are designed to help clients recognize their ability to manage parts of life by changing behaviors. As with BI Motivational Interviewing sees "moving toward any decision" is worth consideration, and can contribute to motivation in the future. Harm reduction also considers small change as good change. When coupled within the Relationship theory paradigm abuse and dependence become associations producing a relationship that produces less stress (recovery) or one of disease (relapse). No judgment is placed on either state of mind. Being aware of our relationships, knowing which one are stressful, alternative actions can be tried. Knowing how and when relapse happened, the results for the next encounter with a given relationship can be changed to have an alternative outcome. Motivation comes from within, as realizations that as thoughts change so can behaviors. MI, BI, and HR all recognize the importance of self-empowerment. The Relationship Theory Give us a simple chart to place relationships in and to measure their effectiveness.

Brief Interventions

Brief Interventions fill part of a "hole" between prevention efforts and more serious treatment (TIP 34, samhsa, p XV). It can also reduce the amount the cost of emergency room visits in the future. By catering to the presented problem of each individual BI can effect changes in client's behavior. The ultimate goal is to reduce the harm when there is continued use of drugs changing behavior, If not addressed the result could be harmful. A more comprehensive goal would include a specific goal for each client, established by mutually agreed on use pattern (TIP 34). BI takes small steps to confirm clients overall belief in self, and willingness to take actions to make a change.

The acronym FRAMES give a road map when done with a pension can produce expected results. Goals achieved. Using basic listening skills efficiently enables the counselor to engage clients using Feedback, empowering Responsibility, give suggestions based on best practice principles, explore (Menu) options of possible behavior changes, showing Empathy, and promoting Self-efficacy (TIP 34 2008, Osborn, 2008). BI "should be targeted specifically to those who are relatively low on the readiness-to-change continuum (Osborn, 2008, p. 155)."The best way to look at BI is as a short term, Informative treatment with flexible goals, allowing individuals to decide on control or abstinence. BI is a detailed, attentive process relying on assessment, engagement, and prompt application of change strategies (TIP 34).

Harm Reduction

The HR model seeks to reduce harm caused by substance abuse. For example an individual presenting the problem of having multiple driving under the influence charges may see the problem as being in the wrong place at the right time. They just seem to be caught more than others. They may feel their drinking is not a big problem, but the problem is they get caught driving while over the legal limit. They may feel since they have been drinking for some time they can handle their intoxication better than they know. So what is the presenting problem? Is it drinking or is it driving under the influence? What choice does this individual have that will reduce the potential of being caught once again with another DUI? Two options are obvious. One is to stop drinking another is to stop driving while intoxicated. The natural choice would be to stop driving under the influence. Discussions based on Harm reduction would concentrate on ways to drink and not drive such as having a designated driver, drinking at home, or reduce the amount drunk or abstain from alcohol consumption when driving is anticipated. Harm reduction focuses on changing behavior seen as potentially harmful to oneself and others. Driving under the influence has a great potential to harm others as well as one self. Reducing the potential to harm others demonstrates an individual's ability to willingly accept responsibility for their actions.

Other forms of HR are needle exchanges for IV users, reducing the harm of using dirty needles may cause to the user. Methadone programs are used as a drug replacement to reduce the urges to get high. Pharmacological interventions have been used to facilitate detoxification. Counseling as a form of education can be beneficial in helping individuals recognize potential harm substance abuse may be causing in their lives. Once change is considered than options can be explored. Methods used in harm reduction counseling encompass Brief Interventions such as empowering clients to embrace self-worth, Motivational Interviewing by encouraging setting goals that strengthen self-efficacy, and exploration into better life skills.

Motivational Interviewing

"Change is the central feature of any therapeutic interaction (Aasheim & Wallace, 2008, p. 131)." Like BI MI is a relationship-centered client-centered system of change. By understanding where each client is on a scale of motivation to change methods can vary. The goal is to guide an individual in a course of discovery, where hesitation towards change is diffused. The stage of change one is in could be pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and relapse. The four key attitudes embraced in MI are expressing empathy, developing discrepancy, rolling with resistance and support self-efficacy (Aasheim & Wallace, 2008).

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What If You Join a Site But Cannot Find Anyone To Date?

I have talked to many guys who have joined a dating site at one time or another and haven't really seemed to have much luck at all when it comes to actually finding someone to date and if that has happened to you, you might feel like dating sites are worthless for meeting women. I know what that feels like. I remember the very first time I joined a dating site, my experience was pretty dismal and it left me feeling like there was no sense in trying to meet anyone online.

That did change for me. I did find a way to reap some success from dating sites, as I realized that I had been going about it the wrong way without knowing it.

Here are some things that I realized that help change things for me and give me a new outlook on dating sites in general:

1) Choosing the wrong site to join can be one of the biggest mistakes that you can make.

Back when I first tried online dating, I joined some site that I had never really heard of, but came across through some ad of some sort. It was one of those ones that use pictures of really sexy women and that was what I was foolishly expecting on the other side. What I found was that it was so small in membership size, there were only a couple of women in my area and let me tell you, they looked nothing like those sexy women in the ad.

2) Hoping that the right woman will find you is another big mistake you don't want to make.

I also used to have this idea that the right woman would somehow just happen to come across my profile and want to get to know me. What I found is that is kind of like going to a packed club and standing in the corner and expecting one of the hottest women there to just pick you out of the crowd and want to dance with you. It just doesn't happen. You have to make the move and contact women who interest you.

3) Using the wrong picture can give off the wrong impression.

I am not much of a party type, at least, not anymore. I used to be. When I first joined a dating site, I used a picture of myself that suggested I was the party type. So, the kind of women I would be interested in were turned off by that photo because it gave off the wrong impression about myself.

Sometimes, all you have to do is make a few small adjustments if you are not meeting anyone. It may even mean that you need to redo your profile, join another site, or just get more active in your search.

Dangers That You May Face at a Bar or on Blind Dates

Keeping fantasy and fiction aside that mentions meeting vampires on blind dates or at bars, let us look into some serious issues related to dating an unknown person or being at a bar. But before we venture into details here, it is important to make one thing very clear; bars are not a bad place and going on blind dates can be real fun. No one is bad-mouthing either of these. The motive here is to ensure that you are alert and attentive enough to not fall into any trap or trouble.

At bar:

• If you are a woman and going to a bar all alone, it is very common to come across people who would want to buy you a drink. But, if you are not attentive, chances are that they may slip some drug into it. Whatever follows, it need not be mentioned here.

• You may find someone attractive there. He may use catchy pick-up lines too. He may even succeed in convincing that he is a nice guy. But if you let him go ahead and get physical with you, kiss you, touch you, hug you or move out with him to some other place, then he may very well take advantage of you. If you are not looking for a stand or no-strings-attached stuff, then you may go ahead. But it is really not advisable.

• Fraudsters also frequent such places. Methods may vary but you can get scammed too. So, it is important that you use wisdom and brains and not fall for glittery and fake stuff.

• Drug abuse, alcohol and smoking etc. is also common. If you drink or smoke, you should do it in control and not take offerings from strangers. Whatever the case is, strictly avoid drugs and drinks from others.

• Lastly, do not wander alone around any bar after dark. Good idea is that you bring someone along. Otherwise, you can ask one of the security guards to leave you to your car or help you in calling a cab etc.

At blind date:

• Strictly avoid asking your blind date to pick you up or drop you after the date. Do not disclose your address or such personal details, even during the date.

• Make sure you both decide on a place that is not deserted. Public place is a good idea or a restaurant where there are a number of other people around you.

• If possible, avoid alcohol. But if it is needed, then make sure you consume it in limits.

• Inform a close friend or relative about your scheduled date, duration and place.

• Don't think about proceeding with physical intimacy immediately after your blind date with that stranger.

• Immediately leave after your date is over. Try not to walk off the distance. Rather, call a cab, but stay inside until the cab is right outside the main door. If you have your own conveyance, then get inside and immediately lock the doors. Drive out immediately.

• Do not wear revealing clothes. Don't give out wrong signals. It will only make you vulnerable.

How You Can Get Your Ex to Want YOU Back

The most effective way to get back with your ex is to make them want to get back together with you. After a breakup, you may find that your ex avoids you and refuses to communicate with you, so you need to get around this problem. If you can do this, all the barriers stopping you from getting back together can be broken down, as your ex's hostility is overcome. Not only will they stop avoiding you; but you will find them actively chasing after you wanting a reconciliation.

Beware though that it takes a great deal of verve and confidence to carry this off. If you are still very upset about the breakup, and find it difficult even to keep your cool in the presence of your ex, then this method is not for you. You need to be able to send out the right vibes, to be calm and in control of yourself, and you need to be able to keep this up for as long as it takes. There is no way of knowing or predicting how quickly your ex will respond.

How you need to behave is completely counter-intuitive to the way you feel after the one you love has just dumped you. There is lots of help available to show you how you can do this, but it is essential that in public you always look good, sound upbeat and act as if you are moving forward into a whole new, exciting phase of your life.

What you are aiming to do is remind your ex of the person they first fell in love with by being that person again. When you are in a relationship it is easy to lose sight of the person you are as an individual, and to become subsumed in the relationship. This is bad for the health of both the relationship itself and you as an individual. You should always try to keep your friends, your interests and your hobbies active. This makes you a multi-dimensional person and more likely to have positive things to contribute to your relationship.

By becoming the person your ex fell in love with, there is every chance that they will fall back in love with you again! The idea is for you to become your best self, the kind of person that anyone would be attracted to, including your ex. Being your best self will boost your own spirits and confidence, and create a buzz around you that will draw people in and make them want to be with you. This is the effect you are aiming to create.

To make this strategy work, you need to rebuild contact with your ex, and make sure you are seen in places where they or their friends are likely to be. That way your ex is sure to see or hear about you regularly. Re-establishing contact can be done by talking directly to your ex, but it may be better to do it by letter or email. Consider sending a letter even if you don't generally write them. This shows self-discipline and commitment in a way that instant communication doesn't. Make it clear that you now believe that what has happened was for the best.

Having accepted the breakup, you need to focus on getting on with the rest of your life. Now that everything is out in the open, and the tension and quarrels that marked the end of your relationship are over, you can show your ex that the future is going to be very different. Make it clear that you are looking ahead now, although you will never forget the good times you had together.

Now you need to focus on yourself. If there are things that you have always thought of doing, and places you have always imagined visiting, then this is the time to do something about it. No matter how you feel inside, get out of the house and been seen to be having a good time. Join your friends on outings, take trips away and show the world that you are happy and taking control of your life.

Keep how you look in mind too. Don't even step out of the house looking scruffy, and think about your diet and exercise regime too. Eating junk food shows in your face and figure, so watch your food intake and eat plenty of fruit and vegetables to keep your skin glowing. It is good to work out regularly too: exercise releases endorphins which lift your mood and make you feel good, as well as keeping you physically in shape. And the better you look, the greater your confidence and self-esteem will be.

Another way to boost your confidence and social cachet is to start dating again. Even though you still want your ex back, you can start talking, flirting and going on a few casual dates. Be honest with your dates by saying that you have just finished an intense relationship and are not looking for anything serious. Remember that people always want what they can't have, and showing that you are a magnet to the opposite sex will enhance your credibility and value in your ex's eyes.

Most of all you want to stay in touch with your ex, and make sure they know all about the exciting things you are doing these days. This doesn't mean daily contact, or doing anything that could be interpreted as hassling or stalking them. Just make sure they know about all the new things that are happening in your life. You want them to see how well you are doing, both socially and physically.

You also want them to become comfortable enough around you to share news of your lives and recent doings. It is essential that you keep them aware of how great your life is now, but don't forget to be a bit wistful too and say (once) how sorry you are that things didn't work out between you. Knowing you have regrets will keep the door open in their mind for reconciliation, and will remind them of what they have lost.

Be patient and accept that all this will take time. You need to seduce them slowly by showing them with what they have lost. Treat them is a manner that is almost, but not quite, flirtatious. Teasing can be very effective, and so can the occasional bout of empathy. But don't make the mistake of lingering when you see them, and trying to draw out your encounters. Make it clear that your time is limited and always be the first one to leave. Eventually your being just out of reach will be too much for them, and they will start actively pursuing you.

How to Have a Healthy Love-Life: 15 Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don't just happen; says Dr. Margaret Paul. In general people think if they need to work on their relationships, then it is not the right relationship for them! However just as we need to work on having a good health through physical exercise, proper diet and proper emotions, a good relationship also requires enough care and nurturing.

No matter how sweet and beloved our partner might be, there will still be shortcomings. There is a saying that Roses always come with Thorns! Although it might not be possible to remove the problems in relationships completely, we can still learn how to handle the difficult situations to save our relationship from a breakdown.

According to Grand Master Choa Kok Sui, one of the major reasons why a marriage or a relationship tends to breakdown is because one or both the parties tend to use each other as a "psychic garbage can." This means that if one experiences an extremely stressful day or if one is emotionally hurt by a third person, upon returning home the normal best solution seems to consciously or unconsciously dumping or releasing the stress or psychic garbage on the other partner. The result is normally heated exchange of words and in some cases physical violence. The effect is eventually a breakdown in a marriage or a relationship.

Basically a strong and healthy relationship is one of the best supports in life. As a good relationship can improve all the aspects of life and bring good health, happiness and peace of mind, an inharmonious relationship can also be a tremendous drain. Therefore it is necessary to take care of our relationships and look at them as an investment to achieve greater happiness in life.

1. Know, accept and love yourself

This is one of the basic requirements for a healthy relationship. Often we start a relationship in pursuit of happiness; expecting the other person to make us happy and if we don't find expected happiness, we tend to get disappointed and change the relationship. However real happiness comes from inside!

This is one of the important choices that you can take to improve your relationship. It means you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs, that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This happens when you learn to treat yourself with kindness, caring, and acceptance instead of self-judgment which always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

If you don't know your own needs, wants, qualities and limitations, and more importantly if you don't love yourself you seek relationships as a source of own validation. The effect of such attitude will be aggressiveness, possessiveness, disappointment and unhappiness in a relationship. Even if you change your partner, since the cause and the need for self-validation is still in you, the second relationship will fall into the same pattern as the first one.

If you know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and if you love yourself for what you are, it is much easier to love people as they are and to accept their shortcomings.

This will also enables you to become open to change and feedback. When you have low self-confidence or even pride, upon receiving any feedback or comment you tend to react. Remember that we are all evolving, and our relationship is evolving with us. It is OK to make mistake! Just learn from your mistake and move on!

When you learn how to take full responsibility of yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets.

2. Know your partner

We have been born and grown up in different environments, with different backgrounds and ideas. Each person is a unique being and has a unique language of life. In every relationship it is extremely important to know the other person, his preferences and his language of life.

Often problems in relationships happen because of misunderstandings and misconceptions. Showing love has different meanings for different people. One can feel loved by a hug or a kiss or a physical touch, while another might feel loved through a present or a written poem.

Often we think we are not loved by our partner because we are not familiar with their language.

In many cases also we hurt their feelings unknowingly because we don't know them; their liking and disliking. Pay attention to the nonverbal signals!

Relationships can be improved easily by caring for the other person, learning their language and trying to see the world from their perspective once in a while.

Sometimes it is good to stop talking and simply listen to your partner.

3. Learn to take the whole package

As stated earlier, Roses always come with Thorns! No matter how sweet and wholesome a person is, still there are shortcomings. Therefore it is important to realize that we are all human beings and we all make mistake. Each person has strengths and weaknesses.

If you have chosen to be with a person, you must accept their strengths as well as their weaknesses. You must take the whole package!

One of the techniques which can help you deal with the difficult times in relationships is to capture your partner's good attitudes and actions towards you and the good times you have had together by writing down or taking photos or video. This will help you have a more realistic view of your partner and your relationship during difficult situations.

4. Stop blaming other person, focus on solutions

Often we tend to focus on problems and blame us or others for any problem that occurs in a relationship. However, verbally repeating the mistake of another person is nagging. Nagging will not work! Instead of wasting your time by nagging focus on the solutions.

Think about the reason you have this problem, the lessons that need to be learnt, the required actions and corrections and start implementing them on yourself as well as your partner.

In fact according to Dr. Jack Dominian, it is better for both partners to share joint responsibility and work together to solve it. The phrase "the problem with you is... " should be banned!

One of the techniques that have been emphasized by many specialists including Grand Master Choa Kok Sui which can help is the visualization technique. Imagine the person behaving properly, in the right way. Remember words and thoughts have power. What you think and what you say tend to manifest! If you focus on problems only, the outcome will be more problems. Avoid excessive criticism. Instead, create the right image!

5. Consider the state of your relationship, have a relationship target

First of all you need to know the nature of relationship in general and its purpose. Relationships help you evolve, especially a difficult relationship; they help individuals develop patience, tolerance and forgiveness, stated by Grand Master Choa Kok Sui. In fact relationships are like playing grounds to help us develop self-sacrifice, self-control, patience, flexibility and tolerance, not just to make us happy. If you have a realistic and proper view towards relationships it is easier to handle the difficult situations.

You also need to know the state of your relationship. Is it only in the physical level? Do you have good communication with your partner? Do you understand each other emotionally?

Are you able to have deep conversations? Do you have common way of thinking? Do you have soul contact? You can know the state of your relationship by observing what thoughts and words come out of your mind and your mouth, and your feelings towards one another.

When a relationship is superficial, it tends not to last. If you think you don't have enough harmony and understanding in your relationship, it's time to do corrections!

Have a relationship target. Think where you want to be with the same partner in another 10 years from now.

6. Increase love and respect

The real cause of the disappointments, emotional and psychological ailments is insufficient soul contact. Love is the answer, it is therapeutic.

You must be realistic! Everybody makes mistake. Just forgive and forget and continue living.

'By giving a person love, you make them grow. Project loving-kindness to your partner and the person will bloom.' (Master Choa Kok Sui, 2004, pp. 27-28)

You must remember that when two people interact closely, there will definitely be friction. The lubricant is Love. You can show love to your partner in the form of loving thoughts, loving feelings as well as loving words and actions. Love can also be increased by praising your partner and using nurturing words. The more love is experienced between the partners, there will be more openness.

But remember, real love never looks for paybacks; when you give, give whole-heartedly.

7. Spend quality time, don't take for granted

Most of the times, we tend to take our loved-ones for granted. Only we come to know their value, when they are away from us.

It is extremely crucial for having a healthy relationship to spend quality time together.

Any living being and any relationship needs nurturing to flourish; if left alone and uncared, it won't survive.

The more you spend dedicated, focused and quality time with your loved-ones, the more your relationship gets nurtured. Quality time means your full attention should be towards your partner, you must show that you care.

Remember when you were in love, how you used to find time for your beloved. Especially after getting married, relationships lose their quality since both partners get busy. No matter how busy you are, it is extremely important to set aside specific times to be together, to talk, play, laugh and make love.

8. Meditate, especially with your partner

There are certain meditations available that increase the love and harmony within the family; one is the Meditation on Twin Hearts.

Meditation on Twin Hearts is basically a technique to achieve cosmic consciousness or illumination. It is also a form of service to the world as the world is harmonized to a certain degree through blessing the entire earth with loving-kindness.

This technique can be used to harmonize relationships as well as to bless certain place, city or country. Based on the collected testimonials, any relationship can be improved tremendously by practicing this meditation regularly, especially in a group. It is advisable for families with problems to sit down together and do this meditation on a regular basis.

When a person does Meditation on Twin Hearts, divine energy enters the practitioner's system filling him with divine light, love and power; making the practitioner a channel of divine energy. This divine energy goes in and out of the aura, flushing out the cloud of negative thoughts and emotions, thereby cleansing the aura.

As a result, Meditation on Twin Hearts gives you a better physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health, leading to a better relationship.

9. Speak out

Don't assume that your partner knows your problem. Speak it out!

Often we behave in a certain way to show our partner that we are unhappy! Don't fall into this trap. If you have a problem with your partner or an issue in your life, talk about it, express it to your partner clearly and in a proper manner. Sometimes we need to learn different communication skills to be able to express our thoughts and feelings.

You can also ask your partner if you feel and observe something in the relationship is bothering them. Give time and chance to them to talk as well. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between both of you.

10. Be responsible for your actions, learn your lesson

After childhood, we are all expected to be responsible for what we say and do. Unfortunately there are still many adults that feel safer and more comfortable to place the blame on others instead of themselves. This simple issue is one of the problems that can take the relationship into fail since after sometimes no one wants to be at blame all the time; besides it is exhausting to be around someone who always blames others but never takes the responsibility himself. After all the relationship is supposed to make us grow; if we do not take the responsibility over our own actions and behaviors, change is impossible.

One of the fast ways to improve a relationship is to remove the "blame game" and accept responsibility where it's due; then focus on solutions instead of complaining.

Remember that everyone makes mistake! It is part of life! Evolution requires time, process and lots of mistakes. So admit your mistakes, apologize and learn your lesson.

11. Keep it fun

Couples are usually more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. Especially after marriage, this attitude is forgotten as life challenges and resentments increase over time. Keeping a sense of humor enables you to enjoy life, get through the tough times easier and to deal with them more realistically.

Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together and when excitement and humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously.

Think about playful ways to surprise your partner. Once in a while try something new and exciting together and keep the relationship fun.

12. Don't react immediately, wait for the right time

In the midst of any argument or fight, remember that if you react it only worsens the problem. Stay calm and detached. Common response to argument is some kind of controlling behavior; both parties want to win, or at least not lose. However, the experiences have shown that controlling through showing anger, blame, judgment, resistance, denying even explaining and teaching is unsuccessful. The more we try to control, the more it adds to the conflict. The moment you react, you are psychologically entangled.

If you think your partner is over-reacting or even if you think you know the solution explaining it in the middle of the argument doesn't work. Since your partner is emotionally imbalanced at that moment, he cannot understand you.

The best approach is to forgive your partner internally, keep your emotions under control, calm down the situation, and keep the talking for the right time. Keep it in mind that it is not the matter of who is right and who is wrong; it is the matter of doing the right thing for the sake of your relationship.

13. Give each other freedom

Many of the married men and women complain about losing their freedom after marriage. Although a person in a relationship might not be as free as a bachelor because of responsibilities and commitments, don't make it harder for your partner by being too possessive.

In any relationship there should be freedom. Freedom is the greatest gift one human being can give to another. Real growth usually happens when we feel free.

Don't be afraid that if you give freedom to your partner they might leave you. Only over-controlling and too much limitation can chase a person away. Giving freedom is not a guarantee that the other person will behave the way you want him to, but it is extremely necessary that you give space to others to be as they are. This is a sign of respect towards others and must be practiced.

14. Take care of unfinished emotional business

If there are a lot of anger and resentment in you because of a deed of your parents, friends or ex-partner in the past, face it, forgive and let go. Don't let the anger accumulate over time.

Accumulated anger, resentment, feeling of abandonment and even guilt not only affect your current state but also affects your future relationships.

Do not be unhappy. Remember that the past is the past! Let go. Learn to forgive and forget. Let go and go on living. Don't let an event in the past ruin your current life and relationships.

According to Grand Master Choa Kok Sui, 'Inner Forgiveness is therapeutic. If you do not forgive, you cannot be internally healed. Forgiving heals the soul.' (Master Choa Kok Sui, 2004, p. 15)

15. Use healing techniques

Sometimes a painful event in the past has been so devastating that we cannot easily forget; or some emotional issues that are affecting our relationship such as stress, resentment, fear or low self-esteem seem to be very difficult to remove. In such cases alternative healing techniques can be very helpful to remove the unwanted feeling or behavior from your system.

Pranic Psychotherapy is one of the most effective methods dealing with behavioral and psychological issues. Its principles and techniques may be used to improve family relationships as well as save a marriage on the brink of a breakdown.

Pranic Psychotherapy is basically Pranic Healing applied in the treatment of psychological disorders. What we call disturbing emotions or thoughts are basically energy forms. Thinking and feeling in fact produce psychic beings which are called "thought forms" and "thought entities" that are real and can influence you and other people. 'When a person has a traumatic experience for example, the traumatic psychic energies produced are lodged in several chakras or energy centers which may in long run, manifest as stress or phobia.' (Master Choa Kok Shui, 2000, p. 17) Unless these thought forms and entities are removed from the system, using techniques such as Pranic Psychotherapy, they remain in the person's chakras and will continue to affect him and his relationship with others. Pranic Psychotherapy in this case can be applied to heal both partners and improve the relationship to a loving and harmonious level.

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