What Men Want in a Woman

What would you like your woman to be?

Yikes! I know how questions like this make men feel. We get a lump in our throats; our minds go on overdrive to mentally note down the qualities we like in our "woman". Not wanting to miss anything, yet avoiding the label "sexist" or "male chauvinist pig", we play it safe by saying, "It depends."

The phrase, "It depends" is a good starting point to lead us somewhere or nowhere. It can clarify or murk things, enlighten or confuse.

For women are complex creatures. Any attempt to describe her fully and aptly would require more letters in the alphabet. And if we fuss and bother over her complexities, men will suffer from perpetual frustration and sexual deprivation.

Unlike women, men are simpler, especially in the subject of women. In fact, they are quite primitive. They could not think beyond legs, boobs, lips, butts and many other attributes of a sex object, not of a creature worthy of admiration and respect.

Intelligence? Some men love good intellectual exchange. I do. Bit a great many prefer to get rid of the preliminaries and start digging right in.

Meaningful relationships, thanks goodness, are not built on digging right in. Even animals do better. They ogle and dawdle before ending up in an orgiastic caboodle. In very rare cases, they may even part ways, unable to mate, for lack of chemistry.

So what is in a woman that can make a man dance, prance, sing or make a fool of himself to win her affection? Even social scientists don't have good answers. It is a "moving target," impossible to put under a microscope or create in a test tube.

But there are indicators, such as:

Physically attractive:

If she is cross between Jennifer Lopez and Anne Hathaway, you've hit jackpot. But landing one is as slim as winning the lotto.

No, she doesn't have to be that physically attractive. But she must have what it takes to leave you, and other men, breathless, make their heads turn, or whistle at in admiration.

She must be worth taking to an expensive dinner, with you not minding the tab; bring to your class reunion without feeling as if your guts are turned upside down.

Know what I mean?

Socially responsible:

Relationships are not ownership rights. Neither is it a license to dominate nor to submit. It is interaction based on mutual agreement and understanding bounded by current societal and cultural mores.

While picking her nose in public or slurping her soup may be despicable, they are not as socially reprehensible as using loud and foul language in public, or wearing Lady Gaga look, or being loud in her show of excitement or emotion.

It is being cool and subdued and serene in the scrutinizing eyes of your peers.

Have balls:

Not only men have balls. Some women have, too.

I always find it surprising, and reassuring, to meet a woman who can hold her own against the competition or against other men.

No, I don't mean an aggressive, abrasive and domineering nagger. This is not balls but ignorance or social mal-adjustment.

I mean a woman who, aside from having a lovely head on her shoulders, can carry herself gracefully under pressure, can say "No" if necessary and can make decisions without having to rely too much on her man.

A woman of chutzpah, if I may call it, is a welcome change from the docility women are popularly thought of.

Cool and level-headed:

Nobody likes to be with a woman who goes ballistic at the slightest provocation, if at all. My sisters-in-law are like that. Right now, I know of at least three husbands who are a sorry SOBS.

Women, by nature, are reserved in their demeanor. While most can keep their cool even if darts and arrows are thrown their ways, some become clanging cymbals at the slightest breeze.

Being cool and level headed allows for pleasant conversation, healthy exchange of ideas, thoughts and feelings. Makes love-making great, too.

It also makes a wonderful home a man loves to retire to at the end of a workday.

Men, despite his philandering ways, still prefer a really good one. Finding it, however, is not like going shopping. There is no such thing as one-size-fits-all type of woman. Each is an individual in her own way; does not have the sameness of characters of a keyboard.

It is a matter of averaging those attributes you can or cannot live with or without; the negotiable and non-negotiable.

Meeting a woman is easy; getting her to bed is sometimes a challenge. Keeping her, even for the medium term, is a mixture of art and diplomacy. It is plain sainthood to be able to keep her forever.

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