We grow up, we become responsible adults and good citizens and, if we're lucky, we fall in love. Ah, Love - that happy state which, when you enter, you are no longer alone, no longer a singleton, and two people become an item. You have a significant other in your life. Marriage may follow or, at least, a life-long commitment to a partner. You become happy and content. What can go wrong?
Well, sadly, things can, and do, go wrong - to bring to an end that once comfortable arrangement. There are many ways of losing a previously loved one. Premature death of one partner can seem cruel, while you just couldn't have imagined that divorce could ever happen to you. Sometimes, people simply drift apart, you may be jilted or infidelity in the relationship proves too much of a cross to bear.
There you are, 'alone' again, naturally. This can seem very strange, even scary after being an item for so long. The infrastructure of your very existence, from preparing the evening meal you cook, attending family events, to booking to see your favourite band, has suddenly changed. It's almost like going back in time.
To re-adjust; you have to adopt a new modus operandi - but only after a period of acceptance (bereavement in the case of the passing away of a partner), which can take months to years to pass, and it has to run its course. Only when you feel you're ready, should you take steps to 'move on'. Sadly, a proportion will never move on.
A time will come when you might feel particularly lonely, when you envy those couples holding hands in the park and when you feel your friends, trying to be nice, include you in events where, sans partner, you feel the odd one out. You begin to miss close company, intimacy and the unselfish act of sharing. You want your life back.
So you're ready to take that first step to a new chapter in your life. But how? The easiest, softly-softly approach, is by going online and joining a dating site. There you can control the how, the when, the where of meeting a future potential partner or companion. Sure, you've heard some horrible stories of people being taken for a ride with Internet dating, but that doesn't have to happen to you if you're careful and you choose a site where safety and confidentiality are taken seriously. You can browse profiles from the comfort of an armchair and take your time before ever deciding to meet up. A period of exchanging emails, followed by telephone conversations, can provide a re-assuring buffer. And if your new-found friend is on a social networking site, like Facebook, you should consider signing up also, where you can learn so much more about him/her. Nowadays, there is no longer a stigma attached to this way of meeting a future partner; in fact, it's becoming very common. It's also far less random than traditional dating since you can explore common interests and values even before you meet.
With that said and done, online dating should not preclude you from meeting people in 'offline' ways. Here are a few suggestions:
- Use an introduction agency or singles club. These can be pricey and are normally limited to the local area.
- Join a dance class! An excellent way of meeting a lot of people in a short space of time and a splendid pursuit for a healthy mind and body.
- Consider local clubs in the area. Your library should have details of may different activities in your locale. The subject areas are too numerous to mention but they can sporty, academic or highly specialized. Horses for courses!
- Become a volunteer. You will do a lot of good and it's a great way of meeting like-minded people.
- Solo travelling. It's amazing the people you can meet on your travels. But remember that a long-distance relationship, should that transpire, is not for the feint-hearted! If you have concerns about the safety of travelling solo, you might like to take a friend along who is also single, or join a website that finds you travel companions.
- Be open-minded. You might meet that special person when you're not looking, like in a store, coffee or book shop. Be friendly and always have a smile - a great currency when exchanging glances!
To name just a few.
You can get you life back on track, if having a partner again is what you want, but don't rush into it and approach it intelligently. You will find the necessary investment in time and effort well worth it. Good luck!
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