The most effective way to get back with your ex is to make them want to get back together with you. After a breakup, you may find that your ex avoids you and refuses to communicate with you, so you need to get around this problem. If you can do this, all the barriers stopping you from getting back together can be broken down, as your ex's hostility is overcome. Not only will they stop avoiding you; but you will find them actively chasing after you wanting a reconciliation.
Beware though that it takes a great deal of verve and confidence to carry this off. If you are still very upset about the breakup, and find it difficult even to keep your cool in the presence of your ex, then this method is not for you. You need to be able to send out the right vibes, to be calm and in control of yourself, and you need to be able to keep this up for as long as it takes. There is no way of knowing or predicting how quickly your ex will respond.
How you need to behave is completely counter-intuitive to the way you feel after the one you love has just dumped you. There is lots of help available to show you how you can do this, but it is essential that in public you always look good, sound upbeat and act as if you are moving forward into a whole new, exciting phase of your life.
What you are aiming to do is remind your ex of the person they first fell in love with by being that person again. When you are in a relationship it is easy to lose sight of the person you are as an individual, and to become subsumed in the relationship. This is bad for the health of both the relationship itself and you as an individual. You should always try to keep your friends, your interests and your hobbies active. This makes you a multi-dimensional person and more likely to have positive things to contribute to your relationship.
By becoming the person your ex fell in love with, there is every chance that they will fall back in love with you again! The idea is for you to become your best self, the kind of person that anyone would be attracted to, including your ex. Being your best self will boost your own spirits and confidence, and create a buzz around you that will draw people in and make them want to be with you. This is the effect you are aiming to create.
To make this strategy work, you need to rebuild contact with your ex, and make sure you are seen in places where they or their friends are likely to be. That way your ex is sure to see or hear about you regularly. Re-establishing contact can be done by talking directly to your ex, but it may be better to do it by letter or email. Consider sending a letter even if you don't generally write them. This shows self-discipline and commitment in a way that instant communication doesn't. Make it clear that you now believe that what has happened was for the best.
Having accepted the breakup, you need to focus on getting on with the rest of your life. Now that everything is out in the open, and the tension and quarrels that marked the end of your relationship are over, you can show your ex that the future is going to be very different. Make it clear that you are looking ahead now, although you will never forget the good times you had together.
Now you need to focus on yourself. If there are things that you have always thought of doing, and places you have always imagined visiting, then this is the time to do something about it. No matter how you feel inside, get out of the house and been seen to be having a good time. Join your friends on outings, take trips away and show the world that you are happy and taking control of your life.
Keep how you look in mind too. Don't even step out of the house looking scruffy, and think about your diet and exercise regime too. Eating junk food shows in your face and figure, so watch your food intake and eat plenty of fruit and vegetables to keep your skin glowing. It is good to work out regularly too: exercise releases endorphins which lift your mood and make you feel good, as well as keeping you physically in shape. And the better you look, the greater your confidence and self-esteem will be.
Another way to boost your confidence and social cachet is to start dating again. Even though you still want your ex back, you can start talking, flirting and going on a few casual dates. Be honest with your dates by saying that you have just finished an intense relationship and are not looking for anything serious. Remember that people always want what they can't have, and showing that you are a magnet to the opposite sex will enhance your credibility and value in your ex's eyes.
Most of all you want to stay in touch with your ex, and make sure they know all about the exciting things you are doing these days. This doesn't mean daily contact, or doing anything that could be interpreted as hassling or stalking them. Just make sure they know about all the new things that are happening in your life. You want them to see how well you are doing, both socially and physically.
You also want them to become comfortable enough around you to share news of your lives and recent doings. It is essential that you keep them aware of how great your life is now, but don't forget to be a bit wistful too and say (once) how sorry you are that things didn't work out between you. Knowing you have regrets will keep the door open in their mind for reconciliation, and will remind them of what they have lost.
Be patient and accept that all this will take time. You need to seduce them slowly by showing them with what they have lost. Treat them is a manner that is almost, but not quite, flirtatious. Teasing can be very effective, and so can the occasional bout of empathy. But don't make the mistake of lingering when you see them, and trying to draw out your encounters. Make it clear that your time is limited and always be the first one to leave. Eventually your being just out of reach will be too much for them, and they will start actively pursuing you.
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