After a breakup that was not of your choosing it's natural to think about whether you and your girlfriend could get back together again. And it's true that many break ups can be fixed; you probably have friends who have gone through similar experiences yet managed to solve their problems and stay together. Lots of people go through storms in their relationships, yet find a way to weather them. But right now you need to face up to the reality of your breakup, and do what you can to make it possible for you to get back together.
You need to think about what went wrong, and what you could do differently in the future should your girlfriend give you a second chance. It's possible to draw some useful lessons out of a bad experience, which will give it a more positive aspect and help you to learn what mistakes to avoid in the future.
But don't rush to put your ideas into action immediately. You both need to calm down so that you can look back at your relationship more clearly. Often you'll find that over a few weeks the reasons for your breakup will become clearer and easier to understand. Seeing your relationship in perspective will also help you to be sure about what you really want.
So it's better if you don't contact your girlfriend for three or four weeks. Don't worry that this will encourage her to forget you and move on. Giving her space will emphasise the void that has opened up in her life, and give her a chance to miss you. Everyone who ends a relationship wonders afterwards whether they have done the right thing, and if you don't put pressure on your girlfriend now, she is more likely to remember the good things you shared together and have regrets.
Take this time to focus on yourself. Go out with your friends, do some sport or training and take some weekend trips. Boost your confidence by getting out and meeting people. Work on adding some new dimensions to your life, so that you show the world - and your ex - what a busy, interesting person you are
Making these changes in your life is great for two reasons. The first of course is that it stops you brooding too much over the breakup, and gives you a lift just when you really need it. Filling your days with positive things will give you a good feeling. But the second reason is even better, as it gives out the message than you are doing well, you are cool about the breakup, and you're really enjoying the freedom to do what you want.
You need to make your girlfriend think she is really missing something good, and to make her see exciting qualities in you that she has missed up to now. And adding new people and interests to your life will give you a fresh perspective on the future.
After a few weeks you should have a better idea of how you see your future. Do you still want to get your girlfriend back, or are you ready to move on? If you still want to get back together, now is the time to be a bit more direct and to find out how she is feeling about you.
It's better to be a bit laid back about seeing her again, and to take things slowly at first. Suggest a casual meeting over coffee just to catch up, rather than an actual date. Play it cool and don't stop doing all the new things you have been working on these last few weeks. Meeting up occasionally should give you a feel for how much she has been missing you, and whether her feelings about your old relationship have changed. Take it slow and easy, and if getting back together is really going to happen it should soon become clear.
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