You have cheated on your partner. No matter how remorseful you are or how desperately you wish you could go back and undo what happened, the damage has been done. Now, you have to deal with the consequences. And those consequences mainly involve a very angry partner. How do you deal with them? Very carefully.
First and foremost, is to understand where they are coming from with their anger. They have been hurt, betrayed and lied to by the one person in their life they thought they could always trust. It is natural for them to be angry. Their hurt and disappointment will come out in their anger, as well.
You cannot deny them this emotion. The absolute worst thing you can do is to tell them not to be angry... or to calm down. That's like asking the sun not to come up in the morning. It isn't going to happen and you have no right to ask this of them.
Try to look at it from their point of view. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? Of course, you would be devastated. Try to keep that in mind because the more anger and frustration they release now, will help later. Don't try to take this away from them because you have made sure they have earned the right.
You have to apologize. Not for getting caught or for them finding out, but for the action itself. Really apologize. Don't waste time with things like "it will never happen again" because they didn't think it would happen this time. Apologize for how you have made them feel:
- their pain,
- their hurt,
- their betrayal.
If you are not sincere, don't tell them this or they will instantly see through you.
No matter what happened in the relationship, your partner did not cause this. So don't try to blame it on them. All couples have problems and disagreements. You settle them by talking them out, not by finding solace in the arms of someone else. If you try to pin even part of this on your partner, you're messing with fire. Own it!
Ask them what you can do to make amends. Don't assume what it will take because you are not in their position. Let them tell you what it is going to take. That way, you have a goal to reach for. It will be difficult, but if you ask them how you can make it up to them, you have to also be willing to follow through.
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