Christian Codependency: How Do You React to Circumstances You Don't Like?

One of the characteristics of a Christian codependent is a desire to have things your way. How do you react when circumstances aren't what you want? When things don't go your way, are you a--

• Doubter: Do you focus on the circumstances, doubt God, and question His purpose? Doubters have shallow trust that is dependent on having circumstances go their way rather than a deep trust that isn't shaken by circumstances.

• Controller: Do you try to force change impulsively and foolishly? Controllers react to people and circumstances in whatever way they can to make them different. The desire to control often comes from fear and anxiety.

• Blamer: Do you get angry and avoid responsibility by blaming God and others? Blamers immediately look for someone or something that they can point a finger at rather than figuring out how to deal with the problem themselves.

• Complainer: Do you grumble, complain, whine, and nag? The Israelites in the wilderness on their way to the Promised Land complained, grumbled, complained, whined, and nagged every time they didn't like what was going on. They didn't know how to be content in their circumstances or focus on the good.

• Martyr: Do you compare your circumstances to others or how things should be and feel sorry for yourself? Comparing only increases your self-pity. It isn't helpful to feel sorry for yourself and view yourself as a victim.

• Adjuster: Do you accept the circumstances and then do what you can to make them better? This is the healthy response. Acceptance allows you to stop fighting and resisting. It allows you to surrender them to God and then in turn He is able to work His good in them. When you adjust, you accept the things you cannot change and take responsibility for changing the things you can.

The Apostle Paul was an adjuster. He was under house arrest for two years, knowing that he might be martyred, and yet, he accepted his circumstances (Philippians 4:11).

How did he become an adjuster? He practiced. He said, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phil 4:11-13). He first accepted his circumstances and then learned how to adjust to them by changing the things he could.

Will you purpose to be an adjuster?

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